The diary of a superfluous man, and other storiesTurgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
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The diary of a superfluous man, and other stories
Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
Russia -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich, 1818-1883 -- Translations into English
So then, we went to live in Moscow....
But it just occurs to me: is it really worth while to tell the story of
my life?
No, decidedly it is not worth while.... My life is in no way different
from the lives of a mass of other people. The parental home, the
university, service in inferior positions, retirement, a small circle of
acquaintances, downright poverty, modest pleasures, humble occupations,
moderate desires--tell me, for mercy's sake, who does not know all that?
And I, in particular, shall not tell the story of my life, because I am
writing for my own pleasure; and if my past presents even to me nothing
very cheerful, nor even very sorrowful, that means that there really can
be nothing in it worthy of attention. I had better try to analyse my own
character to myself.
What sort of a man am I?... Some one may remark to me that no one asks
about that.--Agreed. But, you see, I am dying,--God is my witness, I am
dying,--and really before death the desire to know what sort of a fellow
I have been is pardonable, I think.
After having thoroughly pondered this important question, and having,
moreover, no need to express myself bitterly on my own score, as do
people who are strongly convinced of their merits, I must confess one
thing: I have been an utterly superfluous man in this world, or, if you
like to put it that way, an utterly useless bird. And I intend to prove
that to-morrow, because to-day I am coughing like an aged sheep, and my
nurse, Teréntievna, will give me no peace. "Lie down, dear little father
mine," she says, "and drink your tea."... I know why she worries me: she
wants some tea herself! Well! All right! Why not permit the poor old
woman to extract, at the finish, all possible profit from her master?...
The time for that has not yet gone by.
March 23.
Winter again. The snow is falling in large flakes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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