The Diary of a U-boat Commander: With an Introduction and Explanatory Notes by EtienneKing-Hall, Stephen, Sir
History
The Diary of a U-boat Commander: With an Introduction and Explanatory Notes by Etienne
King-Hall, Stephen, Sir
Sea stories; Submarines (Ships) -- Fiction; War stories; World War, 1914-1918 -- Germany -- Fiction
After tea she played to me, music of the modern Russian
school--Arensky, Sibelius and Pilsuki; a storm was brewing and we both
felt sad.
She played for an hour or so, and then came and sat by me on a low
divan by the fire. We were silent for a long while in the gathering
gloom, whilst a thousand thoughts chased each other swiftly through my
brain, as I endeavoured to summon up courage to say what I had
determined I must say before I left her, perhaps for ever.
At last, when only her profile was visible against the glow of the
logs, I spoke.
I told her quietly, calmly and almost dispassionately that I had grown
to love her and that to me she was life itself. I told her that I had
tried not to speak until I could endure no longer.
She sat very still as I spoke, and when I had finished there was a long
silence and I gently stretched out my hand and stroked her lovely black
hair. At last she rose and with averted face walked across the room,
and stood looking at the storm through the big bow windows. I watched
her, but did not dare follow.
At length she returned to me, and I saw what I had instinctively known
the whole time--that she had been crying. I could not think why.
She put her arms round my neck, kissed me on the forehead and murmured,
"Poor Karl."
I felt crushed; I dared not move for fear of breaking the magic of the
moment, yet I longed to know more; I felt overwhelmed by some colossal
mystery that seemed to be enveloping me in its folds. Why did she pity
me? Why did she weep? Why didn't she answer my avowal? Why didn't she
tell me something? Such were some of the problems that perplexed me.
It was thus when the clock chimed seven. I told her that my leave was
up at seven o'clock, and that at 7.15 I had to be back on board the
boat. She remembered this, and in an instant the past quarter of an
hour might never have existed. She was all agitation and nervousness
lest I should be late on board--though at the moment I would have
cheerfully missed the boat to hear her say she loved me.
I tried to protest, but in vain. With feminine quickness she utilized
the incident to avoid a situation she evidently found full of
difficulty, and at 7.10, with the memory of a light kiss on my lips and
her God-speed in my ears I was in a taxi driving to the docks in a
blinding rain-storm--and we sail to-night.
For five, six, seven, perhaps ten days at the least, and at the most
for ever, I am doomed to be away from her and without news of her. And
I don't even know whether she loves me!
I think I can say she cares for me up to a certain point, but I want
more.
"Oh Zoe! of the violet eyes,
And hair of blackest night
Thy lips are brightest crimson,
Thy skin is dazzling white.
"Oh! lay your head upon my breast,
And lift your lips to mine;
Then murmur in soft breathings,
Drink deep from what is thine.
"Then let the war rage onward,
Let kingdoms rise and fall;
To each shall be the other,
Their life, their hope, their all."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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