All revolutionary thinkers have known such hours of anguish. But
most pass quickly through them, and for this reason it is rare for a
man to be thrust into the battle of ideas without his becoming soon
the comedian of his first sincerities. He sustains his rôle. He has
partisans, and more than all he soon comes, by friction with life,
to that conception of the _à peu près_ almost, which makes him
admit, as inevitable, a certain falling away from his ideal. He says to
himself that one does evil here, right elsewhere, and sometimes, that
after all, the world and the people will always go the same.
With Adrien Sixte sincerity was too complete for any such reasoning
to be possible. He had neither rôle to play nor faithful adherents
to manage. He was alone. His philosophy, and he made only one, and
the compromises by which all great fame is accompanied, had in no way
impaired his fierce and proud mind.
We must add that he had found the means, thanks to his perfect good
faith, of passing through society without ever seeing it. The passions
which he had depicted, the crimes which he had studied, he saw as
persons who designate medical observation, “A thirty-five years, such
profession, unmarried.” And the exposition of the case is developed
without a detail which gives to the reader the sensation of the
individual.
Always the rigorous theorizer on the passions, the minute anatomist of
the will, he had never fairly seen face to face a creature of flesh
and blood; so that the memoir of Robert Greslon did not speak only to
his consciousness as an honest man. So, during the eight days which
followed the first reading, there was a continual obsession, and
this increased the moral pain by uniting it with a sort of physical
uneasiness.
The psychologist saw his ill-fated disciple as he had looked upon him
here in this same room, with his feet on the same carpet, leaning his
arms on this same table, breathing, moving.
Behind the words on the paper he heard that voice a little dull which
pronounced the terrible phrase: “I have lived with your mind and of
your mind, so passionately, so completely;” and the words of the
confession, instead of being simple characters written with cold ink
upon inert paper, became animated into words behind which he felt a
living being:
“Ah!” thought he when this image became too strong, “why did the mother
bring this notebook to me?”
It would have been so natural for the unhappy woman, a prey to mad
anxiety, to prove the innocence of her son by violating this trust. But
no, Robert had without doubt deceived her with the hypocrisy of which
he so boasted, the miserable fellow, as if it were a psychological
conquest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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