The haunting hallucination of the face of the young man would have
sufficed to overcome Adrien Sixte. When the mother had cried: “You have
corrupted my son,” his learned serenity had been scarcely disturbed.
In like manner, he had opposed only contempt to the accusation of the
elder Jussat, repeated by the judge, and to the remarks of the latter
on moral responsibility.
How tranquil he had gone out of the Palais de Justice! And now there
was no more contempt in him; that serenity was conquered, and he, the
negator of all liberty, he the fatalist who decomposed virtue and vice
with the brutality of a chemist studying a gas, he the bold prophet
of universal mechanism, and who until then had always experienced
the perfect harmony of mind and heart, suffered with a suffering in
contradiction to all his doctrines--he felt remorse, he felt himself
responsible!
It was only after these eight clays of the first shock, during which
the memoir had been read and reread, so that he could repeat all the
phrases of it, that this conflict of heart and mind became clear to
Adrien Sixte, and the philosopher tried to recover himself.
He walked to the Jardin des Plantes, one afternoon toward the end of
February, an afternoon as mild as spring. He sat down on a bench in his
favorite walk, that which runs along the Rue de Buffon, and at the foot
of a Virginia acacia, propped up with crutches, adorned with plaster
like a wall, and with knotty branches like the fingers of a gouty giant.
The author of the “Psychology of God” loved this old trunk whose sap
was all dried up because of the date inscribed on the placard and which
constituted the civil status of the poor tree. “Planted in 1632.” The
year of the birth of Spinoza.
The sun of the early afternoon was very soft and this impression
relaxed the nerves of the promenader. He looked around him absently,
and was pleased to follow the movements of two children who were
playing near their mother. They were collecting sand with little wooden
shovels with which to build an imaginary house. Suddenly one of them
rose up brusquely and struck his head against the bench which was
behind him. He must have hurt himself, for his face contracted into
a grimace of pain, and, before bursting into tears, there were the
few seconds of suffocated silence which precede the sobs of children.
Then, in a fit of furious rage, he turned to the bench and struck it
furiously with his fist.
“Are you stupid, my poor Constant,” said his mother to him, shaking him
and drying his eyes; “come, let me wipe your nose,” and she wiped it;
“it will do you much good to be angry at a piece of wood.”
This scene diverted the philosopher. When he rose to continue his walk
under this pleasant sun, he thought of it for a long time.
“I am like that little boy,” said he to himself: “In his childishness,
he gives life to an inanimate object, he makes it responsible. And what
else have I been doing for more than a week?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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