'I'll give the case my very best attention,' he said, shaking hands with
the client. To Merton's horror she tried, Heaven help her, to pass a
circular packet, wrapped in paper, into his hand. He evaded it. It was
a first interview, for which no charge was made. 'What can be done shall
be done, though I confess that I do not see my way,' and he accompanied
her downstairs to the street.
'I behaved like a cad with my chaff,' he said to himself, 'but hang me if
I see how to help her. And I rather admire that cook.'
He went into the inner room, wakened the sleeping partner, Logan, on the
sofa, and unfolded the case with every detail. 'What can we do, _que
faire_!'
'There's an exhibition of modern, mediaeval, ancient, and savage cookery
at Earl's Court, the Cookeries,' said Logan. 'Couldn't we seduce an
artist like Miss Blowser there, I mean _thither_ of course, the night
before the dinner, and get her up into the Great Wheel and somehow stop
the Wheel--and make her too late for her duties?'
'And how are you going to stop the Wheel?'
'Speak to the Man at the Wheel. Bribe the beggar.'
'Dangerous, and awfully expensive. Then think of all the other people on
the Wheel! Logan, _vous chassez de race_. The old Restalrig blood is in
your veins.'
'My ancestors nearly nipped off with a king, and why can't I carry off a
cook? Hustle her into a hansom--'
'Oh, bah! these are not modern methods.'
'_Il n'y a rien tel que d'enlever_,' said Logan.
'I never shall stain the cause with police-courts,' said Merton. 'It
would be fatal.'
'I've heard of a cook who fell on his sword when the fish did not come up
to time. Now a raid on the fish? She might fall on her carving knife
when they did not arrive, or leap into the flames of the kitchen fire,
like OEnone, don't you know.'
'Bosh. Vatel was far from the sea, and he had not a fish-monger's shop
round the corner. Be modern.'
Logan rumpled his hair, 'Can't I get her to lunch at a restaurant and ply
her with the wines of Eastern France? No, she is Temperance personified.
Can't we send her a forged telegram to say that her mother is dying?
Servants seem to have such lots of mothers, always inconveniently, or
conveniently, moribund.'
'I won't have forgery. Great heavens, how obsolete you are! Besides,
that would not put her employer in a rage.'
'Could I go and consult ---?' he mentioned a specialist. 'He is a man of
ideas.'
'He is a man of the purest principles--and an uncommonly hard hitter.'
'It is his purity I want. My own mind is hereditarily lawless. I want
something not immoral, yet efficacious. There was that parson, whom you
say the woman's cat nearly devoured. Like Paul with beasts he fought the
cat. Now, I wonder if that injured man is not meditating some priestly
revenge that would do our turn and get rid of Miss Blowser?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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