RIDGEON [impatiently] No. Havnt I told you I will see nobody? [To Sir
Patrick] I live in a state of siege ever since it got about that I'm a
magician who can cure consumption with a drop of serum. [To Emmy] Dont
come to me again about people who have no appointments. I tell you I can
see nobody.
EMMY. Well, I'll tell her to wait a bit.
RIDGEON [furious] Youll tell her I cant see her, and send her away: do
you hear?
EMMY [unmoved] Well, will you see Mr Cutler Walpole? He dont want a
cure: he only wants to congratulate you.
RIDGEON. Of course. Shew him up. [She turns to go]. Stop. [To Sir
Patrick] I want two minutes more with you between ourselves. [To
Emmy] Emmy: ask Mr. Walpole to wait just two minutes, while I finish a
consultation.
EMMY. Oh, he'll wait all right. He's talking to the poor lady. [She goes
out].
SIR PATRICK. Well? what is it?
RIDGEON. Dont laugh at me. I want your advice.
SIR PATRICK. Professional advice?
RIDGEON. Yes. Theres something the matter with me. I dont know what it
is.
SIR PATRICK. Neither do I. I suppose youve been sounded.
RIDGEON. Yes, of course. Theres nothing wrong with any of the organs:
nothing special, anyhow. But I have a curious aching: I dont know where:
I cant localize it. Sometimes I think it's my heart: sometimes I suspect
my spine. It doesnt exactly hurt me; but it unsettles me completely. I
feel that something is going to happen. And there are other symptoms.
Scraps of tunes come into my head that seem to me very pretty, though
theyre quite commonplace.
SIR PATRICK. Do you hear voices?
RIDGEON. No.
SIR PATRICK. I'm glad of that. When my patients tell me that theyve made
a greater discovery than Harvey, and that they hear voices, I lock them
up.
RIDGEON. You think I'm mad! Thats just the suspicion that has come
across me once or twice. Tell me the truth: I can bear it.
SIR PATRICK. Youre sure there are no voices?
RIDGEON. Quite sure.
SIR PATRICK. Then it's only foolishness.
RIDGEON. Have you ever met anything like it before in your practice?
SIR PATRICK. Oh, yes: often. It's very common between the ages of
seventeen and twenty-two. It sometimes comes on again at forty or
thereabouts. Youre a bachelor, you see. It's not serious--if youre
careful.
RIDGEON. About my food?
SIR PATRICK. No: about your behavior. Theres nothing wrong with your
spine; and theres nothing wrong with your heart; but theres something
wrong with your common sense. Youre not going to die; but you may be
going to make a fool of yourself. So be careful.
RIDGEON. I see you dont believe in my discovery. Well, sometimes I dont
believe in it myself. Thank you all the same. Shall we have Walpole up?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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