"Dr Edward, do not think of me any more," she said, resolutely, rising
and going out to the door with him, in her simplicity and courage. "You
see very well it is impossible. I know you see it as well as I do. If
we could be friends as we once were, I should be very, very glad, but I
don't think it is possible just now. Don't say anything. We both know
how it is, and neither of us can help it. If we could get not to think
of each other, that would be best," said Nettie, with another sigh; "but
in the mean time let us say good-bye, and speak of it no more."
If the doctor did not take his dismissal exactly so--if Nettie's
identification of her own sentiments with his did lead to a warmer
tenderness in that farewell, which could not be final while such a
bond united them, it was at least with an absolute conviction of the
impossibility of any closer union that they parted. The doctor sprang
into his drag and dashed away to his patients, plunging into the work
which he had somewhat neglected during that exciting day. He was not
without some comfort as he went about his business with Care behind him,
but that very comfort embittered the pang of the compulsory submission.
To think he must leave her there with those burdens upon her delicate
shoulders--to believe her his, yet not his, the victim of an unnatural
bondage--drove Edward Rider desperate as he devoured the way. A hundred
times in an hour he made up his mind to hasten back again and snatch
her forcibly out of that thraldom, and yet a hundred times had to fall
back consuming his heart with fiery irritation, and chafing at all
that seemed duty and necessity to Nettie. As he was proceeding on his
troubled way it occurred to him to meet--surely everybody in Carlingford
was out of doors this particular afternoon!--that prosperous wife, Mrs
John Brown, who had once been Bessie Christian. She was a very pale
apparition now to the doctor, engrossed as he was with an influence much
more imperious and enthralling than hers had ever been; but the sight
of her, on this day of all others, was not without its effect upon
Edward Rider. Had not she too been burdened with responsibilities which
the doctor would not venture to take upon his shoulders, but which
another man, more daring, _had_ taken, and rendered bearable? As the
thought of that possibility occurred to him, a sudden vision of Mrs
Fred's faded figure flashed across his eyes. In the excitement of the
moment he touched too sharply with his whip that horse which had suffered
the penalty of most of his vagaries of temper and imagination for some
time past. The long-suffering beast was aggravated out of patience by
that unexpected irritation. It was all the doctor could do for the
next ten minutes to keep his seat and his command over the exasperated
animal, whose sudden frenzy terrified Mrs Brown, and drove her to take
refuge in the nearest shop. How little the Carlingford public, who
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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