But here, now, I'll tell you what I'll do for you, as Cheap Jack says-- I'll give you a receipt by which you shall live a hundred years, and begin your second century a deal stronger than you began your first. Buy your meal from the meal-shop--no, not the chemist, my dear--taste it to make sure it has no "nip;" see, also, that it is fresh, and not ground before Culloden, and buy it neither too fine nor too round, but just a _happy medium_. Having thus caught your hare, so to speak, go home with it, and put a saucepan on a clear fire, with a pint of beautiful spring-water, into which throw a teaspoonful, or more, of salt, and a dessert spoonful of oatmeal. This is essential. Then sit down and read till the water boils. Now take your "spurckle" or "whurtle" in your right hand--I don't know the English of "spurckle" or "whurtle," but it is a round piece of wood, rather thicker than your thumb and not so long as your arm, and you never see it silver-mounted-- and commence operations. You stir in the meal very gradually, to prevent its getting knotted, and you occasionally pause to let it boil a moment, and you continue this until the porridge is quite thick, and the bubbles rise into small mountains ere they escape, with a sound between a "whitch" and a "whirr," which is in itself a pleasure to listen to. And now it is ready, and you have only to pour it into a large soup-plate, sprinkle a little dry oatmeal over the top of it, and set it aside until reasonably cold. You eat it with a spoon--not a fork--and with nice sweet milk. "A dish fit for a king," you say; "A dish fit for the gods!" I resound. Now, having told you all this, I feel I have well deserved of my country; and I'm not above accepting--a hamper at any time. Bread-and-milk, soaked, is the next best thing for pussy; and at dinner you must let her have a wee bit of meat. Lights, boiled and cut in pieces, are best, but horseflesh isn't bad; but you mustn't give her too much of either, or you will induce diarrhoea. Give her fish, occasionally, as a treat. If pussy is a show cat, a little morsel of butter, given every day, after dinner, will make her dress her jacket with surprising regularity. Now, as to what she drinks, a well-bred cat is always particular, and at times even fastidious; but two things they must have--water and milk. They will often prefer the former to the latter. _But do keep their dishes clean_. Disease is often brought on from neglect of this precaution. Cats will drink tea or beer, and I have seen a Tom get as drunk as a duke on oatmeal and whisky. An old lady, an acquaintance of mine, has a fine red-and-white Tom, and whenever he is ailing she gives him "just a leetle drop o' brandy, sir." Tom, I think, must have had two little drops o' brandy yesterday, when he rode my fox-terrier, Princie, all round the paddock. Those naughty drops o' brandy!