_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "I think it will rain to-day, but there is no
need to worry about that. Robert has his umbrella and his mackintosh,
and I don't think he is idiotic enough to lend both of them. If he does,
he'll get wet, that's all." Mrs. Edwards is speaking to herself in the
sewing-room of the apartment occupied by herself and her husband in the
Hotel Hammingbell at Boston. It is not a large room, but cosey. A
frieze one foot deep runs about the ceiling, and there is a carpet on
the floor. Three pins are seen scattered about the room, in one corner
of which is a cane-bottomed chair holding across its back two black
vests and a cutaway coat. Mrs. Edwards sits before a Wilcox & Wilson
sewing-machine sewing a button on a light spring overcoat. The overcoat
has one outside and three inside pockets, and is single-breasted. "It is
curious," Mrs. Edwards continues, "what men will do with umbrellas and
mackintoshes on a rainy day. They lend them here and there, and the
worst part of it is they never remember where." A knock is heard at the
door. "Who's there?"
_Voice_ (_without_). "Me."
[Illustration: "'COME IN'"]
_Mrs. Robert Edwards_ (_with a nervous shudder_). "Come in." Enter Mary
the house-maid. She is becomingly attired in blue alpaca, with green
ribbons and puffed sleeves. She holds a feather duster in her right
hand, and in her left is a jar of Royal Worcester. "Mary," Mrs. Edwards
says, severely, "where are we at?"
_Mary_ (_meekly_). "Boston, ma'am."
_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "South Boston or Boston proper?"
_Mary._ "Boston proper, ma'am."
_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "Then when I say 'Who's there?' don't say 'Me.'
That manner of speaking may do at New York, Brooklyn, South Boston, or
Congress, but at Boston proper it is extremely gauche. 'I' is the word."
_Mary._ "Yes, ma'am; but you know, ma'am, I don't pretend to be
literary, ma'am, and so these little points baffles I very often." Mrs.
Edwards sighs, and, walking over to the window, looks out upon the
trolley-cars for ten minutes; then, picking up one of the pins from the
floor and putting it in a pink silk pin-cushion which stands next to an
alarm-clock on the mantel-piece, a marble affair with plain caryatids
and a brass fender around the hearth, she resumes her seat before the
sewing-machine, and threads a needle. Then--
_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "Well, Mary, what do you want?"
_Mary._ "Please, Mrs. Edwards, the butcher is came, and he says they
have some very fine perairie-chickens to-day."
_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "We don't want any prairie-chickens. The prairies
are so very vulgar. Tell him never to suggest such a thing again. Have
we any potatoes in the house?"
_Mary._ "There's three left, ma'am, and two slices of cold roast beef."
_Mrs. Robert Edwards._ "Then tell him to bring five more potatoes, a
steak, and--Was all the pickled salmon eaten?"
_Mary._ "All but the can, ma'am."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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