_Mrs. Edwards._ "I'd love to, Robert--but we can't. There are no other things in the farce. The Billises are coming." _Mr. Edwards._ "Hang the Billises! Can't we ever have an evening to ourselves?" _Mrs. Edwards._ "How you do talk! How can we? There's got to be some action in the farce, and it's the Billis family that draws out our peculiarities." _Mr. Edwards._ "Well, I'm going out, and you can receive the Billises, and if it's necessary for me to say anything to give go to the play, you can say it. I make you my proxy." _Mrs. Edwards._ "It can't be done, Robert. They are here. The bell rang ten minutes ago, and they ought to have got in here five minutes since. You can't go out without meeting them in the wings--I mean the hallway." _Mr. Edwards._ "Lost!" _Enter_ MR. _and_ MRS. BILLIS. _Billis._ "Ah, Edwards! Howdy do? Knew you were home. Saw light in--" _Mrs. Billis._ "Don't rattle on so, my dear. Speak more slowly, or the farce will be over before nine." _Billis._ "I've got to say my lines, and I'm going to say them my way. Ah, Edwards! Howdy do? Knew you were home. Saw light in window. Knew your economical spirit. Said to myself must be home, else why gas? He doesn't burn gas when he's out. Wake up--" _Mr. Edwards._ "I'm not asleep. Fact is, I am going out." _Mrs. Billis._ "Out?" _Mrs. Edwards._ "Robert!" _Mr. Edwards._ "That's what I said--out. _O-u-t._" _Billis._ "Not bad idea. Go with you. Where to?" _Mr. Edwards._ "Anywhere--to find a tragedy and take part in it. I'm done farcing, my boy." _Billis_ (_slapping_ Edwards _on back_). "Rah! my position exactly. I'm sick of it too. Come ahead. I know that fellow Whoyt--he'll take us in and give us a chance." _Mrs. Billis._ "I've been afraid of this." _Mrs. Edwards._ "Robert, consider your family." _Mr. Edwards._ "I have; and if I'm to die respected and honored, if my family is to have any regard for my memory, I've got to get out of farcing. That's all. Did you sew the button on my overcoat?" _Mrs. Edwards._ "I did. I'll go get it." She goes out. Mrs. Billis throws herself sobbing on sofa. Billis dances a jig. Forty minutes elapse, during which Billis's dance may be encored. Enter Mrs. Edwards, triumphantly, with overcoat. _Mrs. Edwards._ "There's your overcoat." _Mr. Edwards._ "But--but the button isn't sewed on. I can't go out in this." _Mrs. Edwards._ "I knew it, Robert. I sewed the button on the wrong coat." Billis and Robert fall in a faint. Mrs. Billis rises and smiles, grasping Mrs. Edwards's hand fervently. _Mrs. Billis._ "Noble woman!" _Mrs. Edwards._ "Yes; I've saved the farce." _Mrs. Billis._ "You have. For, in spite of these--these strikers--these theatric Debses, you--you got in the point! _The button was sewed on the wrong overcoat!_" CURTAIN. * * * * *