provided with a mustache which could not fail to be recognized as the Commodore's, since it was indeed that very same object. When five hundred miles at sea I dropped the barber overboard, fearing lest he should disturb my plans by talking too much. I hated to do it, but in the interest of the _Whirnal_ I hold life itself as of little consequence, particularly if it is the life of some one else--and who knows but the poor fellow was an expert swimmer, and has by this time reached Borneo or some other bit of dry land? He was alive when I last saw him, and yelling right lustily. If it so happen that he has swum ashore somewhere, kindly let me know at your convenience; for beneath a correspondent's exterior I have a warm heart, and it sometimes troubles me to think that the poor fellow may have foundered, since the sea was stressful and the nearest dry point was four hundred and sixty knots away to S.E. by N.G., while the wind was blowing N.W. by N.Y.C. & H.R.R. But to my despatch. Dewey done for, despoiled of his mustache and rifled of his place, with a heavy sea running and a dense fog listing to starboard, I summoned my officers to the flag-ship, and, on the evening of April 30th, the fog-horns of Cavité having indicated the approach of the Philippine coast, gave them, one and all, their final instructions. These were, in brief, never to do anything without consulting with me. "To facilitate matters, gentlemen," said I, ordering an extra supply of grog for the captains, and milk punches for the lieutenants, "we must connect the various vessels of the fleet with telephone wires. Who will undertake this perilous duty?" They rose up as one man, and, with the precision of a grand-opera chorus, replied: "Commodore"--for they had not penetrated my disguise--"call upon us. If you will provide the wires and the 'phones, we will do the rest." And they followed these patriotic words with cheers for me. Their heroism so affected me that I had difficulty in frowning upon the head-butler's suggestion that my glass should be filled again. "Gentlemen," said I, huskily--for I was visibly affected--"I have provided for all. I could not do otherwise and remain myself. You will find ten thousand miles of wire and sixty-six telephones in the larder."