"Gentlemen," said he, when all was quiet, "we have reached the crucial crisis of our club career. We have eaten the stuff of which our dreams were to be made, and from what I can gather from the reports of those who are now seated about this festal board--and I am delighted to note that the full membership of our organization is here represented--there is not a single one of you who is unprepared for the work we have in hand, and, as master of ceremonies, it becomes my pleasant duty to inform you that the hour has arrived at which it behooveth us to begin the narration of those tales which--of those tales which I am certain--yes, gentlemen, very certain--will cause the unlaid ghosts of those masters of the story-tellers' art--" "Is this a continued story Billy is giving us?" observed Tenafly Paterson. "No," replied Bedford Parke, with a laugh; "it is only a life sentence." "Get him to commute it!" ejaculated Hudson Rivers. "Order, gentlemen, order!" cried the master of ceremonies, again rapping upon the table. "The members will kindly not interrupt the speaker. As I was saying, gentlemen," he continued, "we are now to listen to the narration of tales which I am convinced will cause the unlaid ghosts of the past grand masters of the story-tellers' art to gnash their spirit teeth with anguish for that they in life failed to realize the opportunities that were theirs in not having told the tales to which we are about to listen, and over which, when published, the leading living literary lights will writhe in jealousy." When the applause which greeted these remarks had subsided, Mr. Jones resumed: "That there may be no question of precedence among the gifted persons from whom we are now to hear, I have provided myself with a small leathern bottle, such as is to be seen in most billiard-parlors, within which I have placed twelve numbered ivory balls. These I will now proceed to distribute among you. When you receive them, I request that you immediately return them to me, that I may arrange the programme according to your respective numbers." Mr. Jones thereupon distributed the ivory balls, and when the returns had been made, according to his request, he again rose to his feet and announced that to Mr. Thomas Snobbe, of Yonkers, had fallen the lot of telling the first story, adding that he took great pleasure in the slightly supererogative task that devolved upon him of presenting Mr. Snobbe to his audience. Mr. Snobbe's health was drunk vociferously, after which, the stenographer having announced himself as ready to begin, the distinguished son of Yonkers arose and told the following story, which he called VAN SQUIBBER'S FAILURE [Illustration: THE DREAMERS DINE]