France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; French fiction -- Translations into English
“You must not talk like this,” said Sister Theresa; “you do not know
what you are to me now. I love you far better than I ever loved you
before. Every day I pray for you; I see you with other eyes. Armand, if
you but knew the happiness of giving yourself up, without shame, to a
pure friendship which God watches over! You do not know what joy it is
to me to pray for heaven’s blessing on you. I never pray for myself: God
will do with me according to His will; but, at the price of my soul, I
wish I could be sure that you are happy here on earth, and that you
will be happy hereafter throughout all ages. My eternal life is all that
trouble has left me to offer up to you. I am old now with weeping; I am
neither young nor fair; and in any case, you could not respect the
nun who became a wife; no love, not even motherhood, could give me
absolution.... What can you say to outweigh the uncounted thoughts that
have gathered in my heart during the past five years, thoughts that have
changed, and worn, and blighted it? I ought to have given a heart less
sorrowful to God.”
“What can I say? Dear Antoinette, I will say this, that I love you; that
affection, love, a great love, the joy of living in another heart that
is ours, utterly and wholly ours, is so rare a thing and so hard to
find, that I doubted you, and put you to sharp proof; but now, today, I
love you, Antoinette, with all my soul’s strength.... If you will follow
me into solitude, I will hear no voice but yours, I will see no other
face.”
“Hush, Armand! You are shortening the little time that we may be
together here on earth.”
“Antoinette, will you come with me?”
“I am never away from you. My life is in your heart, not through the
selfish ties of earthly happiness, or vanity, or enjoyment; pale and
withered as I am, I live here for you, in the breast of God. As God is
just, you shall be happy----”
“Words, words all of it! Pale and withered? How if I want you? How if I
cannot be happy without you? Do you still think of nothing but duty with
your lover before you? Is he never to come first and above all things
else in your heart? In time past you put social success, yourself,
heaven knows what, before him; now it is God, it is the welfare of my
soul! In Sister Theresa I find the Duchess over again, ignorant of
the happiness of love, insensible as ever, beneath the semblance of
sensibility. You do not love me; you have never loved me----”
“Oh, my brother----!”
“You do not wish to leave this tomb. You love my soul, do you say?
Very well, through you it will be lost forever. I shall make away with
myself----”
“Mother!” Sister Theresa called aloud in Spanish, “I have lied to you;
this man is my lover!”
The curtain fell at once. The General, in his stupor, scarcely heard the
doors within as they clanged.
“Ah! she loves me still!” he cried, understanding all the sublimity of
that cry of hers. “She loves me still. She must be carried off....”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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