"St. Francis of Assisi was the character I worshiped. I strove after
simple goodness. I desired no glories of this world, no praises of men.
I did not wish to be clever or to shine, but only to do my duty to my
fellow-men, and so toward God. When I was first to make the acquaintance
of Marcus Harding, with a view to becoming his senior curate if he
thought fit, I felt some alarm. I had heard so much of his great energy
and his remarkable talents. The day came. I paid my visit to Onslow
Gardens. For the first time I saw--" Chichester paused. His face became
distorted. He turned toward the window as if anxious to hide his face
from the professor's small, keen eyes. "I saw--that man," he continued,
in a withdrawn and husky voice, and still looking away.
Stepton sat motionless and silent, sidewise, with his arms hanging.
Chichester, after another long pause, again faced him.
"My very first impression was unfavorable. I attributed this to his
great size, which had startled me. I now know I was wrong in thinking
I took that impression from the outer man. It was the inner man who in
that moment announced himself to me. But almost instantly he had surely
withdrawn himself very far away, and I, then, had no means of following
him. So he escaped from me, and I fell under the influence that Marcus
Harding was able to exert at will.
"I was dominated. Buoyancy, life, energy, self-confidence, radiated from
that man. He steeped me in his vigor. He seemed kind, cordial. He won my
heart. My intellect, of course, was dazzled. But--he won my heart. And I
felt not only, 'Here is a man far greater than myself to whom I can look
up,' but also, 'Here is a man to whom I must look up, because he is far
better than myself.' At that interview it was settled that I should
become senior curate at St. Joseph's.
"As you know, I became, and still am, senior curate. As I grew to know
Marcus Harding better I admired him more. In fact, my feeling for him
was something greater than admiration. I almost worshiped him. His will
was law to me in everything. His slightest wish I regarded as a behest.
His talents amazed me. But I thought him not only the cleverest, but the
best of men. It seemed to me right that such a man should be autocratic.
A beneficent autocracy became my ideal of government. That my rector's
will should be law to his wife, his servants, his curates, his organist,
his choir, to those attached to his schools, to those who benefited by
the charities he organized, seemed to me more than right and proper. I
could have wished to see it law to all the world. If any one ventured
to question any decision of his, or to speak a word against him, I felt
almost hot with anger. In a word, I was at his feet, as the small and
humble-minded man often is at the feet of the man who has talents and
who is gifted with ambition and supreme self-confidence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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