BDELYCLEON. Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be fasting and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused. PHILOCLEON. But could I judge as well with my mouth full? BDELYCLEON. Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived by lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the truth? PHILOCLEON. Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay salary. BDELYCLEON. I will. PHILOCLEON. So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. Because that cursed jester, Lysistratus,[83] played me an infamous trick the other day. He received a drachma for the two of us[84] and went on the fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth;[85] but the smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before the Court. BDELYCLEON. And what did he say to that? PHILOCLEON. Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have soon digested the money," he said with a laugh. BDELYCLEON. You see, that is yet another advantage. PHILOCLEON. And no small one either. Come, do as you will. BDELYCLEON. Wait! I will bring everything here. PHILOCLEON. You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté,[86] and that there would be such before every door. BDELYCLEON. Hold! what do you say? I have brought you everything needful and much more into the bargain. See, here is an _article,_ should you want to piss; it shall be hung beside you on a nail. PHILOCLEON. Good idea! Right useful at my age. You have found the true preventive of bladder troubles. BDELYCLEON. Here is fire, and near to it are lentils, should you want to take a snack. PHILOCLEON. 'Tis admirably arranged. For thus, even when feverish, I shall nevertheless receive my pay; and besides, I could eat my lentils without quitting my seat. But why this cock? BDELYCLEON. So that, should you doze during some pleading, he may awaken you by crowing up there. PHILOCLEON. I want only for one thing more; all the rest is as good as can be. BDELYCLEON. What is that? PHILOCLEON. If only they could bring me an image of the hero Lycus.[87] BDELYCLEON. Here it is! Why, you might think it was the god himself! PHILOCLEON. Oh! hero, my master! how repulsive you are to look at! 'Tis an exact portrait of Cleonymus! SOSIAS. That is why, hero though he be, he has no weapon. BDELYCLEON. The sooner you take your seat, the sooner I shall call a case. PHILOCLEON. Call it, for I have been seated ever so long. BDELYCLEON. Let us see. What case shall we bring up first? Is there a slave who has done something wrong? Ah! you Thracian there, who burnt the stew-pot t'other day.