"You have lodgings here?" asked Eleanor, watching the girl with concern.
"Irene and her mother live here; they were able to take me in for the
present. He left me a month ago. This time he wrote and told me
plainly--said it was no use, that he wouldn't try to deceive me any
longer. He couldn't live as I wish him to, so he would have done with
pretences and leave me free. I waited there in my 'freedom' till the
other day; he might have come back, in spite of everything, you know.
But at last I wrote to an address he had given me, and told him I was
going to London--that I accepted his release, and that henceforth all
his claims upon me must be at end."
"Is he in Paris?"
"In the south of France, I believe. But that is nothing to me. What I
inherited from my aunt makes me independent; there is no need of any
arrangements about money, fortunately. I dare say he foresaw this when
he expressed a wish that I should keep this quite apart from our other
sources of income, and manage it myself."
Eleanor felt that the last word was said. There was no distress in
Cecily's voice or manner, nothing but the simplicity of a clear
decision, which seemed to carry with it hardly a regret.
"A tragedy can go no further than its fifth act," Cecily pursued. "I
have shed all my tears long since, exhausted all my indignation. You
can't think what an everyday affair it has become with me. I am afraid
that means that I am in a great measure demoralized by these
experiences. I can only hope that some day I shall recover my finer
feeling."
"You haven't seen Miriam?"
"No, and I don't know whether I can. There as no need for you to keep
silence about me when you see her; what has happened can't be hidden. I
thought it possible that Reuben might have written and told her. If she
comes here, I shall welcome her, but it is better for me not to seek
her first."
"If he writes to her," asked Eleanor, with a grave look, "is it likely
that he will try to defend himself?"
"I understand you. You mean, defend himself by throwing blame of one
kind or another on me. No, that is impossible. He has no desire to do
that. What makes our relations to each other so hopeless, is that we
can be so coldly just. In me there is no resentment left, and in him no
wish to disguise his own conduct. We are simply nothing to each other.
I appreciate all the good in him and all the evil; and to him my own
qualities are equally well known. We have reached the point of studying
each other in a mood of scientific impartiality--surely the most
horrible thing in man and wife."
Eleanor had a sense of relief in hearing that last comment. For the
tone of the speech put her painfully in mind of that which
characterizes certain French novelists all very well in its place, but
on Cecily's lips an intolerable discord. It was as though the girl's
spirit had been materialized by Parisian influences; yet the look and
words with which she ended did away with, or at least mitigated, that
fear.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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