There was no talk between them till they reached the horses. In the
darkness of the cleft, hidden from the searching radiance, he drew her
to him, pressing her head with a trembling hand against his heart. She
endured it patiently but was glad when he let her go and she was in the
saddle, a place where she felt more at home than in a man's arms with
her face crushed against his shirt, turning to avoid its rough texture
and uncomfortably conscious of the hardness of his lean breast. She
decided not to speak to him again, for she was afraid he might break
forth into those protestations of love that so embarrassed her.
At the camp Daddy John was up, sitting by the fire, waiting for them.
Of this, too, she was glad. Good-bys between lovers, even if only to
be separated by a night, were apt to contain more of that distressful
talk. She called a quick "Good night" to him, and then dove into her
tent and sat down on the blankets. The firelight shone a nebulous
blotch through the canvas and she stared at it, trying to concentrate
her thoughts and realize that the great event had happened.
"I'm engaged," she kept saying to herself, and waited for the rapture,
which, even if belated, ought surely to come. But it did not. The
words obstinately refused to convey any meaning, brought nothing to her
but a mortifying sensation of being inadequate to a crisis. She heard
David's voice exchanging a low good night with the old man, and she
hearkened anxiously, still hopeful of the thrill. But again there was
none, and she could only gaze at the blurred blot of light and whisper
"I'm engaged to be married," and wonder what was the matter with her
that she should feel just the same as she did before.
CHAPTER IV
The dawn was gray when Susan woke the next morning. It was cold and
she cowered under her blankets, watching the walls of the tent grow
light, and the splinter between the flaps turn from white to yellow.
She came to consciousness quickly, waking to an unaccustomed depression.
At first it had no central point of cause, but was reasonless and
all-permeating like the depression that comes from an unlocated
physical ill. Her body lay limp under the blankets as her mind lay
limp under the unfamiliar cloud. Then the memory of last night took
form, her gloom suddenly concentrated on a reason, and she sunk beneath
it, staring fixedly at the crack of growing light. When she heard the
camp stirring and sat up, her heart felt so heavy that she pressed on
it with her finger tips as if half expecting they might encounter a
strange, new hardness through the soft envelope of her body.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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