In the Byzantine chair, a nude woman, seated in the manner of the
Egyptian cat-goddess, was holding up a skull. Though the woman looked
the other way, Jennie could see her as a lovely creature, straight,
strong, triumphant, and unashamed. Hubert was painting, busily, eagerly.
He raised his eyes, saw Jennie as she cowered, took no notice of her at
all, and went on with his work. It passed all that she had ever imagined
of cruelty that, as she turned to make her way out again, he should
glance up once more—and let her go.
Hubert—and the woman _dressed like that_! The woman _dressed like
that_—in this intimacy with Hubert! She herself shut out—cast out—sent
to the devil! Some one else in her place, when she might so easily have
kept it!
Jennie’s suffering was in the dry and stony stage at which it hardly
seemed suffering at all. Yes, it did; she knew it was suffering—only,
she couldn’t feel. She could think lucidly and yet put the whole
situation away from her for the reason that it would keep. Anguish would
keep; tears would keep. She could postpone everything, since she had all
the rest of her life to give to its contemplation. Just for the present,
the memory of the woman in the chair with _Hubert looking at her_ was so
scorching to the mind that she could do nothing but snatch her faculties
away from it.
Coming to Fifth Avenue and seeing an electric bus stop near the curb,
she climbed into it. It was the old story of not knowing where to go or
what to do once her simple round of habits had been upset. Snuggled
close to a window, she could at least be jolted along without effort of
her own while she still fought off the consciousness of the frightful
thing that had happened. It was not merely Hubert and the woman; it was
everything. So much was included that she couldn’t bear to think of this
ruin to her beautiful house of cards.
Such wealth and beauty in the shop windows! Such streams of people in
their new spring clothes! She had heard it said that every heart had its
bitterness, but she didn’t think that that could be possible. If
everyone had a heartache like hers, or even the memory of such a
heartache, it would make too monstrous a world, too deplorable a human
race. After all, there must be _some_ sense in the presence of mankind
on earth, and if all were kicked about and bruised, there would be none.
She preferred to think that the people on the pavements and in the
limousines were as happy as they looked, and that she alone was selected
for bewilderment and pain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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