Seating myself on a fragment of a rock, and covering my eyes with my
hands, I made an effort to shut out the overwhelming prospect. But in
vain—it was still before me, deepened by all that fancy could add; and
when, again looking up, I saw the last red ray of the sun, shooting across
that melancholy and lifeless waste, it seemed to me like the light of the
comet that once desolated this world, shining out luridly over the ruin
that it had made!
Appalled by my own gloomy imaginations, I turned towards the ravine; and,
notwithstanding the disgust with which I had left my dwelling, was not ill
pleased to find my way, over the rocks, to it again. On approaching the
cave, to my astonishment, I saw a light within. At such a moment, any
vestige of life was welcome, and I hailed the unexpected appearance with
pleasure. On entering, however, I found the chamber as lonely as I had
left it. The light came from a lamp that burned brightly on the table;
beside it was unfolded the volume which Melanius had brought, and upon the
leaves—oh, joy and surprise—lay the well‐known cross of Alethe!
What hand, but her own, could have prepared this reception for me?—The
very thought sent a hope into my heart, before which all despondency fled.
Even the gloom of the desert was forgotten, and my cave at once brightened
into a bower. She had here reminded me, herself, by this sacred memorial,
of the vow which I had pledged to her under the Hermit’s rock; and I now
scrupled not to reiterate the same daring promise, though conscious that
through hypocrisy alone I could fulfil it.
Eager to prepare myself for my task of imposture, I sat down to the
volume, which I now found to be the Hebrew Scriptures; and the first
sentence, on which my eyes fell, was—“The Lord hath commanded the
blessing, even Life for evermore!” Startled by these words, in which the
Spirit of my dream seemed again to pronounce his assuring prediction, I
raised my eyes from the page, and repeated the sentence over and over, as
if to try whether the sounds had any charm or spell, to reawaken that
faded illusion in my soul. But, no—the rank frauds of the Memphian
priesthood had dispelled all my trust in the promises of religion. My
heart had again relapsed into its gloom of scepticism, and, to the word of
“Life,” the only answer it sent back was, “Death!”
Impatient, however, to possess myself of the elements of a faith, on
which,—whatever it might promise for hereafter,—I felt that my happiness
here depended, I turned over the pages with an earnestness and avidity,
such as never even the most favourite of my studies had awakened in me.
Though, like all, who seek but the surface of learning, I flew desultorily
over the leaves, lighting only on the more prominent and shining points, I
yet found myself, even in this undisciplined career, arrested, at every
page, by the awful, the supernatural sublimity, the alternate melancholy
and grandeur of the images that crowded upon me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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