EVIDENCE IS PILING UP THAT THE PRESENT POLITICAL CAMPAIGN IS A HUGE FACULTY CONSPIRACY TO DEPRIVE THE SCHOOL OF ITS LIBERTIES BY UNDERGROUND DARK-LANTERN METHODS, WHERE IT DOES NOT DARE TO ATTEMPT IT OPENLY THE APRON-STRINGS ARE IN POSSESSION OF A GIGANTIC CORRUPTION FUND WHO IS PUTTING UP? When this attack became public the Anti-Feds were in deep deliberation, planning a descent on the Hamill House. The news of the outrageous charge was borne to the conference by Hungry Smeed, with tears in his eyes. "Crazy," said Doc, "we must meet the charge, now, at once." There was a chorus of assent. "We will," said Crazy, diving into his pocket and producing a wad of paper. "This is what I've had up my sleeve from the beginning. This is the greatest state paper ever conceived." "Let's have it," said Hickey, and Crazy proudly read: THE FULL PROGRAMME The Campaign of Slander and Vilification Instituted by Tough McCarthy and His Myrmidons Will Not Deceive the Intelligent and Independent Voter. Anti-Federalist Candidates Only Are the Defendants of the Liberties of the School. Anti-Fed. Candidates Stand Solemnly Pledged to Work For Increased Privileges. ACCESS TO THE JIGGER-SHOP AT ALL TIMES REMOVING THE LIMIT ON WEEKLY ALLOWANCES ABOLITION OF THE HATEFUL COMPULSORY BATH SYSTEM BETTER FOOD MORE FOOD REGULATION OF SINKERS AND SCRAG-BIRDS ESTABLISHMENT OF TWO SLEIGHING HOLIDAYS CUSHIONED SEATS FOR CHAPEL When this momentous declaration of principles was read there was an appalled silence, while Crazy, in the centre of the admiring circle, grew perceptibly. Then a shriek burst out and Crazy was smothered in the arms of the regenerated Anti-Feds. "Crazy will be President of the United States," said Turkey admiringly. "Wonderful!" "The bathroom plank will win us fifty votes." "And what about the jigger vote?" At this moment an egg passed rapidly through the open window and spread itself on the wall, while across the campus the figure of Mucker Reilly of the Kennedy was seen zigzagging for safety, with his thumb vulgarly applied to his nose. The Executive Committee gazed at the wall, watching the yellow desecration gradually trickling into a map of South America. "This means the end of argument," said Cheyenne sadly. "The campaign from now on will be bitter." "If the appeal to force is going to be made," said Crazy, applying a towel, "we shall endeavour--Doc, shut the window--we shall endeavour to meet it." "We have now a chance," said Egghead, brightening, "to prove that we are not Goo-Goos."