If these three gentlemen were brought on the stage of any city vaudeville theater and introduced as distinguished divines it would be regarded as a joke--which it really is. If we relegate our "distinguished divines" to marriage bureaus, or the race track, or to the Internal Revenue service, or to preach to flocks in townships of less than one thousand and not on the railroad, the outlook for the ministerial profession is far from encouraging. To tell us that these men spent their lives "in uplifting their fallen brethren" is imposing upon the good nature of one's audience. It is simply one more evidence added to the long list already noted that one does not readily acquire the habit of expecting to read the truth in a patent medicine advertisement. Rather the reverse. We examine them in expectant curiosity to note their unique and devilish ability to tell picturesque falsehoods. Certain famous pills are advertised extensively in Great Britain and in the United States. It is claimed by the manufacturers that they are "composed entirely of medicinal herbs" and that they will "cure" constipation, pains in the back, cold chills, bad legs, maladies of indiscretion, kidney and urinary disorders--and several other things. These pills were analyzed by the British Medical Association's chemists, who reported that they consisted of ginger, soap, and aloes. Where the "medicinal herbs" were it was hard to say. In large and lurid letters we are informed in the advertisements that these pills are "worth a guinea ($5.00) a box." The retail price is 27 cents a box. The British Medical Association's chemist states that the cost of these pills is one-quarter of a cent per box. Quite a fair margin of profit considering the high cost of living these days! CHAPTER XXXII THE PATENT MEDICINE EVIL--Continued Patent Medicine Firms and Quacks Dispose of the Confidential Letters Sent to Them--Patent Medicine Concerns and Letter Brokers--The Patent Medicine Conspiracy Against the Freedom of the Press--How The Patent Medicine Trust Crushes Honest Effort. HOW QUACKS DISPOSE OF THE CONFIDENTIAL LETTERS SENT TO THEM When you write for information--which is usually the first step--in reply to an advertisement of this character, you receive in reply a letter, which addresses you in an intimate way, as, "Dear or Esteemed Friend." It informs you that "we are devoting our lives in the interest of suffering humanity," and requests you to waste no time in writing a full account of your symptoms and sickness; that such information will be sacredly regarded as confidential and filed away from the prying eyes of everyone except the "doctor" who reads it.