_Mr. G._ (_aside_). There's a "puff" for "The Magic Dye." (_Aloud._) You don't know me. Am I, then, so changed? _Mrs. G._ You look like a burglar. _Ralph._ What a thievish look there is about his mouth! _Alice._ And such cunning eyes! Oh, do, Aunt Susy, let John call the police, and have him taken away! _Mr. G._ It's only the effects of the dye, you know. I've had my hair and whiskers colored. Gives me quite a juvenile look; quite the dandy, eh? _Ralph._ Oh! come, sir, this won't do. You have entered this house in search of plunder. Your attempt has been foiled by the keenness of this lady, who, in the absence of her husband, can well protect his treasures. _Mrs. G._ John, call the police. _Mr. G._ John, if you do, I'll discharge you without a character.—Susannah, be reasonable. If you don't know me, you must know these clothes. Are they not your husband's? _Mrs. G._ My husband's? Gracious heaven! I see it all! My husband has been murdered, cruelly murdered! and you have stolen his clothing. Oh, wretched woman that I am!—John, call the police. _Mr. G._ And I say, no. Confound it! Do you want to drive me out of my senses? _Mrs. G._ Oh, take me away! My life's in danger. Oh, somebody take me away! _Ralph._ Fear not, madam. I will protect you. If your husband has gone, you shall find in me a watchful guardian and a trusty friend. Fear not: the miscreant shall not harm you. _Mr. G._ Confound his impudence! O Susy! what can I do to make you own me? I think I am your husband; in fact, I'm quite sure of it. _Mrs. G._ Can you write? _Mr. G._ Write? I signed a check for two hundred dollars, which you now have in your porte-monnaie. _Mrs. G._ Can you write your name? _Mr. G._ To be sure I can. _Mrs. G._ Then write it. I shall recognize my husband's handwriting, I think; yes, I'm quite sure of it. Write at once: there are pen, ink, and paper. _Mr. G._ I'll be hanged if I do any such thing! This is absurd, ridiculous! _Mrs. G._ John, call the police. _Bounce._ _H_instantly, missus. _Mr. G._ Stop! I'll write. (_Goes to table_, C.) If ever I'm caught in such a ridiculous position as this, may I be— _Mrs. G._ (_goes to table_). Here! write your name there. _Mr. G._ (_sits, takes up pen, then looks up at_ MRS. G., _who stands immovable_). And that's the wife of my bosom, the partner of my joys! and I've got to write my name before—No! I'll be hanged if I do! (_Throws down pen._) _Mrs. G._ John, the police. _Bounce._ _H_instantly, missus. (JOHN _and_ PATTY L., FRANK _and_ ALICE R.) _Mr. G._ No, no: I'll sign! (_Writes._) _Mrs. G._ (_takes up paper_). What do I see? 'Tis he, my husband, my Simon! (_Throws her arms about his neck, and repeatedly embraces him in a frantic manner._)