The ExplorerMaugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
General
The Explorer
Maugham, W. Somerset (William Somerset)
British -- Africa -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
For days Lucy had lived in an agony of terror, fearing this meeting, and
now it had come upon her unexpectedly. More than four years had passed
since last they had seen one another, and they had been years of anxiety
and distress. She was certain that she had changed, and looking with
pitiful dread in the glass, she told herself that she was pale and dull.
She was nearly thirty. There were lines about her eyes, and her mouth
had a bitter droop. She had no mercy on herself. She would not minimise
the ravages of time, and with a brutal frankness insisted on seeing
herself as she might be in ten years, when an increasing leanness,
emphasising the lines and increasing the prominence of her features,
made her still more haggard. She was seized with utter dismay. He might
have ceased to love her. His life had been so full, occupied with
strenuous adventures, while hers had been used up in waiting, only in
waiting. It was natural enough that the strength of her passion should
only have increased, but it was natural too that his should have
vanished before a more urgent preoccupation. And what had she to offer
him now? She turned away from the glass because her tears blurred the
image it presented; and if she looked forward to the first meeting with
vehement eagerness, it was also with sickening dread.
And now she was so troubled that she could not adopt the attitude of
civil friendliness which she had intended in order to show him that she
made no claim upon him. She wanted to seem quite collected so that her
behaviour should not lead him to think her heart at all affected, but
she could only watch his eyes hungrily. She braced herself to restrain a
wail of sorrow if she saw his disillusionment. He talked in order to
give time for her to master her agitation.
'I was afraid there would be interviewers and boring people generally to
meet me if I came by the boat by which I was expected, so I got into
another, and I've arrived a day before my time.'
She was calmer now, and though she did not speak, she looked at him with
strained attention, hanging on his words.
He was very bronzed, thin after his recent illness, but he looked well
and strong. His manner had the noble self-confidence which had delighted
her of old, and he spoke with the quiet deliberation she loved. Now and
then a faint inflection betrayed his Scottish birth.
'I felt that I owed my first visit to you. Can you ever forgive me that
I have not brought George home to you?'
Lucy gave a sudden gasp. And with bitter self-reproach she realised that
in the cruel joy of seeing Alec once more she had forgotten her brother.
She was ashamed. It was but eighteen months since he had died, but
twelve since the cruel news had reached her, and now, at this moment of
all others, she was so absorbed in her love that no other feeling could
enter her heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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