For a space he listened to the shattering wind as it cried in the
window-sashes, to the branches of the cedar sawing upon one another and
moaning as in self-inflicted pain. Newsboys were calling early
specials. The coarse cockney voices, strangled by the easterly blast,
met and crossed one another, died away in a side street, to emerge
again and again encounter. Such words as were distinguishable seemed of
sinister import, agitating to the imagination. Then de Courcy Smyth's
shuffling footsteps crossed the floor of the room overhead. The
wire-wove mattress of his bed creaked as he sat on the edge of it,
kicking off his slippers and putting on walking boots, as might be
gathered from floppings followed by an equally nerveless but heavier
tread. A door opened, closed, and the footsteps descended the stairs.
On the landing without they paused for an appreciable time; but, to Mr.
Iglesias's great relief, deciding against attempt of entry, continued
their cheerless progress down to the hall below. Yet, just now Iglesias
could have found it in his heart to envy the man, notwithstanding his
unsavouriness of attitude and aspect. For in him ambition still
stirred. He had still definite work to do, and the hope of eventual
fame to support him during the doing of it; had the triumph of the
theatre, the applause of an audience in the white heat of enthusiasm to
dream of and strive after.
"But, for me, nothing," Iglesias repeated, "whether vital as of those
far-away southern battle-fields, or fictitious and close at hand as of
the stage. Not even the sting of poverty to whet appetite and give an
edge to bodily hunger. Nothing, either of fear or of hope. The measure
of my obscurity is the measure of my immunity from change of fortune,
bad or good. I am worthless even as food for powder. Danger herself
will have none of me, and passes me by."
With that he raised his hands and let them drop despairingly along the
arms of the chair again, while the unbidden tears overflowed. For a
minute or more he remained thus, weeping silently with bowed head.
Then, a movement of self-contempt taking him, he regained his calm, sat
upright, brushing away the tears.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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