Iglesias listened in a somewhat grim spirit of endurance. On the far
side of the Green he could see the gaslights in the Lovegroves'
dining-room. These appeared to watch him rather uncomfortably, as with
three supplicating and reproachful eyes. He debated whether he would
not take his hat, step across, and tell his old friend what had
happened--it would at least relieve him of the sound of little Farge's
serenading. But his pride recoiled somehow. Good souls, man and wife,
they would be full of solicitude and kindness; but they would say the
wrong thing. They would not understand. How, indeed, should they, being
wholly at one with their surroundings--unimaginative, domestic, British
middle-class, with its virtues and limitations aggressively in
evidence? George Lovegrove would suggest some minor municipal office,
or membership of the local borough council, as a crown of consolation.
His wife would skirt round the subject of matrimony. She had done so
before now; and Iglesias, while presenting a dignified front to the
enemy, had inwardly shuddered. She was an excellent, estimable woman;
but when ponderously arch, when extensively sly! Oh, dear no! It didn't
do. Her gambols were too sadly suggestive of those of a skittish
hippopotamus. Dominic Iglesias was conscious that he had a skin too
little to-night; he could not witness them with philosophy. The
kindliest intention, the best-meant words, might cause him extravagant
annoyance.
He turned away from the window and took a turn the length of the
room--a tall, distinct, and even stately figure in the thickening dusk.
He felt rather horribly desolate. He was fairly frightened by the
greatness of the emptiness, within and about him, engendered by absence
of employment. He had little to reproach himself with. His record was
cleaner than most men's--he could not but know that. He had sacrificed
personal ambition, personal happiness, to the service of one supremely
dear to him. Not for a moment did he regret it. Had it to be done all
over again, without hesitation he would do it. Still there was no
blinking facts. Here was the nemesis, not of ill living, but of
good--namely, emptiness, loneliness, homelessness, Old Age here at his
elbow, Death waiting there ahead.
"The routine has gone on too long," he said to himself bitterly. "I
have lost my pliability, lost my humanity. I am a machine now, not a
man. To the machine, work is life. Work over, life is over; and the
machine is just so much lumber--better broken up and sent to the rag
and bottle shop, where it may fetch the worth of its weight as
scrap-iron."
He turned, came back to the open window again and stood there, rather
carefully avoiding the three reproachful eyes of the Lovegroves'
dining-room gaselier, and fixing his gaze on that sullen fierceness of
sunset still hanging in the extreme northwest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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