Iglesias visited his mother's bed-chamber. He visited his former
nursery. Then he visited the drawing-room, the heart of this very
pathetic shrine where the altar of his dead was, almost visibly set up.
To this room, during the many years of his mother's mental illness, he
had come back daily after work; and had ministered to her, suiting his
speech to her passing humour, trying to distract her brooding
melancholy, and to soothe and amuse her as though she was an ailing
child. Thank God, there was nothing ugly to remember regarding her. She
had never been harsh or unlovely in her ways. Still, the strain of
constant intercourse with her had been very great--how great Iglesias
had hardly realised until now, as he stood in the centre of the room
reconstructing its former appearance in thought and replacing its
familiar furnishings.
There to the left of the further window, overlooking the garden, she
had always sat, so that the light might fall upon her needlework--very
fine Irish lace, in the making of which nearly all her waking hours
were spent. She had learned the beautiful art as a young girl in her
convent school; and her skill in it was great. In those sad later years
when her mind was clouded the intricate designs and endless variety of
delicate and ingenious stitches had come to have symbolic meanings for
her full of mystic significance. In them she poured forth her soul, as
another might pour it forth in music, finding there an imaginative
language far surpassing, in its subtlety of suggestion, articulate
speech. There were deserts of net, of spider's web fineness, to be
laboriously traversed; hills of difficulty to be climbed, whence far
horizons disclosed themselves; dainty flower-gardens, crossed by open
paths, and hedged about with curves, sinuous and full of pretty
impediments. And there were, to her, vaguely agitating and even fearful
things in this lacework also--confusions of outline, broken purposes,
multiplicity of opposing intentions, struggle of good and evil powers
in the intricacies of some rich arabesque; or monotonous repetitions of
design which distressed her as with the terrors of imprisonment and of
unescapable fate. She was filled with feverish anxiety until such
portions of her self-imposed task were completed. Then she would be
very glad. And Iglesias, glancing up silently from the pages of his
newspaper or book, would see the sorrow pass out of her face as she
leaned back in her chair and softly laughed. And he would perceive
that, in the achievement of those countless but carefully ordered
stitches, she had also achieved some mysterious victory of the spirit
which, for a time at least, would give her freedom of soul and content.
As a boy he had been rather jealous of her lacemaking, declaring that
it was dearer to her than he himself was. But as he grew more
experienced, more chastened, and, it must be added, more sad, he had
come to understand that it veritably was as speech to her--though
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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