The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“I did not keep you in the dark long, Paule, not long. I had to
fight against all kinds of intrigues and competition. At last I got
permission, both for Jean Berlier and myself, to join the expedition.”
“Oh, so M. Berlier is going too?”
“Yes, and he will come back a captain and with the Legion of Honour. It
will certainly develop him. The desert widens one’s heart and brain, as
the sea does. You don’t think of love-making any more! But why have you
left off calling him Jean?”
She made no reply. He looked at her, and then getting up said:
“Let us go back. It is growing dark. We must not leave Mother alone any
longer.”
Madame Guibert was seated at the door, waiting for them. With her old
hands she was knitting some woollen stockings for a farmer’s little
girl. She had put on her spectacles to see her needles. She often
lifted her eyes towards the avenue. This side of the house was covered
with the five-leaved ivy whose scarlet color was deepened by the rays
of the dying sun.
As soon as she saw Marcel and Paule she smiled at them. But as they
were coming up the staircase she quickly took off her spectacles to
wipe her eyes.
“At last!” she cried.
Her son kissed her.
“We stayed too long in the Montcharvin woods. But here we are, Mother.
Are you not afraid of the cold? It is getting late to be out of doors.”
And as they went into the house, the young man turned to look at the
neighboring meadows, the chestnut avenue, and the open gate. Knowing
how things stood with his family, he was aware that they would have to
think of selling Le Maupas, unless his brother Étienne made a fortune
in Tonkin. Here he had spent his childhood, and formed his soul. From
this country--now all pink and violet--his memories came back to him
at his call. They came to him from all sides, like a flight of birds
clearly defined in the setting sun. Marcel shut the door. In the
drawing-room he went and sat beside his mother on a low seat, leaned on
her shoulder, and took her hand.
“I am so comfortable here,” he said in a caressing voice which was a
contrast to his determined face.
For the first time he noticed the hand that he was holding in his own,
a poor, worn, rough hand with fingers swollen and ringless, which
betrayed a life of toil and old age. Madame Guibert followed her son’s
eyes--and understood.
“I was obliged to leave off wearing my wedding ring, it hurt me. I wore
your father’s for a long time, but the gold grew so thin that one day
it broke in two like glass.” And she added, as if talking to herself:
“It did not matter. Only our feelings matter. And even death cannot
alter them.”
Marcel looked at the portrait of his mother that he knew so well. It
represented a woman, pretty and slender, looking like a shy young girl,
whose tiny, tapering fingers held a flower, in the quaint old-fashioned
way. Then he bent down and put his lips to the withered hand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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