The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
Since his return to Savoy three weeks ago, Jean had often gone to Le
Maupas. He did not go there solely to comfort two poor sorrowing women.
Paule attracted him immensely--by her pride, by her serious depth
of feeling, by the youth which he knew her to be holding in check.
He noticed with surprise at each of his visits, that this reserved,
sensible girl, had a bright, lively spirit, ready to taste joy without
timidity as she had tasted sorrow without flinching. With that touching
trait of lovers, who try to magnify their love by imagining its
extension back into the past, he connected with his present fascination
little memories of long ago, of the times when he played with a
laughing child Pauline. Forgetful of his own forgetfulness, he imagined
an ancient fondness which had survived from childhood. But, still
more, with instinctive clearness of vision he felt that his future
achievement and the rounding of his life, so that it would not be spent
in vain, would depend on her, and on no one else. So he loved her as a
man loves at thirty, confidently and tenderly. Her gracious influence
filled his heart with a new peace.
Isabelle Orlandi’s passion had thrown itself meantime across his path.
Since her marriage for money she had dedicated to her former admirer
all the unsatisfied ardor of her senses, all the fury of her tortured
heart. She had been much more faithful to her friend Jean than to M.
Landeau. She had waited for his return. When she saw him again she
was even more fascinated by his serious and thoughtful face than she
had been before by his careless good temper, and she promised herself
she would wait no longer. For his benefit she displayed the full
fascination of her loveliness.
In the box at the theatre, she had indeed triumphed for a few wild
moments, though she did not know it. During the whole of the act she
had doubted her power to charm because of the hesitations of this
Adonis whose spoken words were so ambiguous. When the curtain went
down, her only wish was to take up the interrupted conversation again.
Devoured by anxiety she turned round immediately and leaning over with
practised art, so as to display all the beauties of her throat and
bosom, asked:
“What were you thinking of? I felt you were not listening to the music.”
Jean smiled and said frankly:
“I was thinking about two charming women.”
“That is one too many.”
With arrow-like glances she tried to pierce the impenetrable mask.
M. de Lavernay was keeping his eyes on the pair, while mixing up all
his classical knowledge in his conversation with Madame de Marthenay.
Isabelle grew impatient and, eager to make sure of her happiness, rose
from her seat.
“It is stifling here. Will you take me into the hall, Captain Berlier?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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