The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“Paule,” she could hear in the voice that was for ever hushed, “do
not be anxious, you will be happy some day.” Since Jean’s return she
accepted her life bravely and without bitterness. She felt a kind of
stoical happiness which satisfied her after so many blows. Was that the
happiness Marcel had meant? In this peaceful hour, the vague longing
for joy of another kind rose up in her. Still, she did not know that
the time had come.
Jean made up his mind to speak.
“I have been speaking to your mother, Paule, of my plans for the
future,” he said.
She looked at him.
“Your leave is up already? You are going away again soon?”
“I am not going back to the regiment.”
In her surprise she waited for his explanation.
“I am going to resign.”
“You, Jean! Oh, that is a mistake. You are not thirty yet, you have the
Legion of Honor and you are giving up your career! What would Marcel
have thought?”
“Marcel would have agreed with me--because I shall serve France in
another way, which will not be less useful. From being a soldier I
shall become a colonist. I have written to your brother Étienne, who
finds his work at Tonkin too much for him. I am going to join him.”
“Oh,” she said. “How glad they will be out there! They know what good
friends you and Marcel were. You will tell them about him as you have
told us. You will see my nephew and my niece. You will know them before
I do.”
The shadows were falling over the plain and began to climb the mountain
slopes. Over Lake Bourget far away, hung a violet haze, mingling itself
by degrees in the pink and gold of the sky. Evening was enveloping
still nature like a blessing.
Jean rose and stood before the girl.
“Your brothers would be much happier if they knew my other plan.” And
lowering his eyes to the ground, he added more gently:
“It is a plan infinitely dear to me. Your mother knows what it is.”
He looked at her and saw with surprise that she suspected nothing. He
admired this forgetfulness of self, and gravely, with deep tenderness,
brought out the decisive words at last:
“Paule, I love you. Will you be my wife and go out there with me?”
She rose in her turn, unable to speak and deathly pale. Her heaving
bosom showed the tumult of her heart.
He continued: “I love you, Paule. Did you not know it? Did you not
guess it? When I came back from Algiers I found you so brave--and so
beautiful. Oh, don’t say no! During the crossing of the Sahara, I
remember, Marcel often told me, when we were talking about Savoy, that
you were your mother’s comfort. Whenever I was looking for something to
stir up my energy, some picture to cheer me and arouse my courage, I
thought of you. I know I have always loved you, since the time we were
children, when I laughed at your long black hair. My happiness lies in
your hands, Paule. Will you not give it to me?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account