The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
They came back to Le Maupas when the vines had been gathered and the
meadows harvested, when the brilliance of the sun, the softness of
the air, and the grace of the earth increased in proportion to the
barrenness round about and strove to detach man from self-centred
thoughts. Paule kept very near her mother, as if to forget the threat
of the future. And the future cast its shadow upon the present hour
which saw mother and daughter reunited. Madame Guibert had been obliged
to tell Paule of her wish to stay in Savoy. Jean then generously
offered to give up his plans. Monsieur Loigny, his nature decidedly
changed, wanted to help his nephew, and at the price of numerous
headaches (for he had lost the habit of office work) tried to take
stock of the little fortune which he had looked after so badly between
two grafts of a rose-bush. He perceived too late that the garden is a
bad speculation. Jean’s character and capabilities, Paule’s energy, the
financial position of both families, all made them look to the Colonies
for the establishment of their new home. Furthermore Étienne multiplied
his appeals to them. He told of the prosperity of his business and
was already prepared to guarantee their ultimate success. He begged
his sister to bring their mother with her, that in her happy old age
she might receive the homage of their filial devotion. Gently but
obstinately Madame Guibert had refused.
“I am too old,” she said to Jean and Paule when they insisted. “How
should I, who have never gone further than from Cognin to Chambéry and
from Chambéry to Cognin, bear such a long journey? I should only be in
the way. You will all come home to me in your turn. You will tell me
about my grandchildren whom I do not know and whom I love, as I loved
my own children before they were born.”
She smiled, so that no one might think of noticing her tears. But she
reflected in her heart: “I feel that God is calling me. Now, now at
last, my task is finished. I am nearer the dead than the living. When
I am alone I will visit my husband more often and my little Thérèse,
who are waiting for me in the cemetery. The memory of Marcel, who rests
in Africa, will fill my heart. I will make only one journey more, and
that will be to find my own again. Those left on earth have no more
need of me. From afar I shall pray for them here, and then from above.
I can do no more....”
Paule set her wits to work to give her mother daily proof of her love.
For so many years she had eaten the bread of sorrow with her. The young
wife was inclined to blame herself for her married joy on the eve of
this separation, and Madame Guibert had to encourage her to be happy.
“I know what you are thinking about,” said Jean when he saw his wife’s
sadness.
“I love you,” she replied. “I love you more than anyone in the whole
world, but she ...”
Jean kissed her as he went on: “I am not jealous, Paule, and I
understand your trouble so well....”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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