The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
As he multiplied his words he rang the bell again and, quite unable to
stand the strain any longer, went to the door and half opened it.
“Excuse me, excuse me,” he said.
As he put his head into the corridor Madame Guibert raised her eyes
and surprised him in this frightened and pitiful attitude. A crushed
man is still more to be pitied than a fool. Madame Guibert felt ashamed
for him and thought:
“It will certainly be much better to wait for Madame Dulaurens. What I
could say to him would matter very little.”
A slight misgiving began to lessen her confidence. She mentally
compared her poor companion with her own husband whom no circumstance
could have deprived of his composure, his clear-sightedness, his
firmness.
“What a difference!” she reflected sorrowfully, for she was quite
incapable of overbearing pride. She did not think of herself, who had
made such splendid, fearless men and women of her sons and daughters.
While M. Dulaurens was persistently enquiring after her health she was
looking affectionately at a portrait of Alice as a child.
“She has scarcely changed at all,” she said. “Dear little Alice, so
pretty and gentle. How we shall love her! She is so frail and delicate,
but she will grow stronger. We will surround her with love and care. We
will make a hardy flower of this hothouse blossom. And perhaps she will
keep _him_ near us better than I could. I am so old now, and every
year these separations become more and more cruel.”
She did not disguise from herself her womanly weakness.
At last Madame Dulaurens burst in like a whirl-wind. She flew to her
husband’s assistance. Fearing that by now he might have blundered and
said, something stupid, she had come downstairs as quickly as she
could. The severity of her rule did not suffice to reassure her, for
she scarcely suspected the despotism of it.
In many flattering words she excused herself to Madame Guibert for
keeping her waiting. The latter, at the sight of her, had already
lost almost all of her modest confidence. What could she expect of a
favorable nature from this still beautiful and elegant woman, whose
high-pitched voice, so patronising and hard, whose affected politeness
scarcely hid the pride and dryness of her soul. At once she felt the
difference in their points of view concerning the serious things of
life. An abyss separated them, which only youth and love, in their
madness, could think of bridging over. She had a secret conviction
that all which weighed so heavily on her heart was going to be held
as naught, and that all her devotion, her energy, and her toil, the
true mark of aristocracy in the human race, would presently be matched
against those worldly pretensions of which she thought nothing at Le
Maupas and of which she discovered suddenly the disturbing reality.
Feeling the weakness of her age and poverty, she implored God’s help.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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