The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The two went up the steps and found Madame Guibert and Paule working by
the light of the dying day. The former’s face brightened as the door
opened on her son; but the girl’s gaze was fixed on the little flannel
she was embroidering for her faraway nephew.
“I have come to say good-bye,” said Jean.
“Are you not going to wait for your friend? Must you leave so soon?”
Madame Guibert asked him, with real regret, for she loved his buoyant
youth and his delightful gaiety and did not fail to distinguish
between the real Jean and his reputation. She was grateful to him for
distracting Marcel better than she knew how or dared to do; for she
could only watch like a mourner her son’s heavy grief, half afraid of
his gloomy pride.
“I sail for Marseilles in three days, Madame. My leave is up three days
earlier than Marcel’s.”
At last Paule raised her head. Jean, who was staring at her, could
read a reproach in her dark eyes. But it is always possible to be
dubious about a look. There are quick, fugitive expressions, whose
interpretation is mysterious, and we prefer to refuse to understand
them if they do not fall in with our views or may cause us uneasiness.
This girl with the serious face and well-balanced carriage, whose
somewhat severe grace hinted at a reserve of passion, at once attracted
and disconcerted Jean. He had looked forward to hearing her speak
kindly to him, and her reticence paralysed him. Her approval and
regard would have raised and strengthened him, but he knew that to be
worthy of it he would have to undertake something great, and to feel
great emotions, yet he was afraid of what he inwardly called “living
on the heights.” Above all things he avoided thinking about the
ambiguous impression which she made upon him. How many lives pass away
misunderstood, without a realisation of the secret of those affinities
which might have modified them, and of which even the conjectured
strength arouses alarm in the majority of mankind.
Madame Guibert accompanied the young man as far as the courtyard. At
the foot of the steps she said quickly in a low voice, as he stood near
her:
“Look after _him_ this winter, Jean. I ask you to do this for me.”
He glanced gently at the old lady. Her confidence touched him.
“I promise you I shall. To me he is like an elder brother.”
And turning round he saw and admired on the veranda steps the graceful,
clearly-cut silhouette of Paule in her mourning clothes. But she was
looking straight ahead of her and the roses of the autumn sky were
fading away over the hill....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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