The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men

Name: The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men
Author: Various

Various

English literature -- 18th century; Erotic literature, English

Away she flings, and leaves him with her Brat,
        And goes from House to House to Drink and Chat,
        Finds out a Cully to her Lustful Mind,
        And makes a Bargain with him to be kind.
        From time to time she has such freaks as these,
        And turns an errand Strumpet by degrees.
        Yet blinds her Husband with this wild Excuse,
        _She goes to see an Aunt behind the_ Meuse.
        And if he blames her, thus for staying late,
        He is in danger of a broken Pate.
        So that he's forc'd to stay at home to Rock,
        While his Leud Wife is wasting of his Stock.
        This course of Life for many years she leads.
        And wallows in her lustful wicked deeds
        Thus are her teeming years in Folly spent,
        In Clamour, Self-conceit, and Discontent.
        Impetuous in her ways; abruptly bold,
        The worst of Whores, yet must not be controul'd.


                         _The Fifth Comfort._

        The Husband all this while concludes her Chaste,
        And little thinks she spends his Wealth so fast,
        'Till Pocky Pains begins to smart below,
        Then mildly asks her if she made him so?
        At which she swears, and bold'y starts this Whim,
        That she had catch'd the Foul Disease of him:
        Which strange Retort, makes him suspect the Crime,
        She had concealed from him so long a time.


                         _The Sixth Comfort._

        He tells her of her Faults, and mildly says,
        Dear Wife 'tis got by going thus to Plays.
        To which she answers, like a Cunning Jilt,
        _It is the very cause of this my Guilt,
        But take my Word, I ne'er did so before.
        Nor never while I live, do so no more._
        With feigned Tears, and with a _Judas_ Kiss;
        She said _(My Dear) I own I have done amiss.
        But if you'll Pardon me this very time,
        I'll for the future loath so vile a Crime._


                        _The Seventh Comfort._

        The Man o're-joy'd to hear such Words as these,
        From her, he hardly ever yet could please.
        In loving Terms, embrac'd her in his Arms,
        And said, his chief delight was in her Charms.
        Besides he added, if she would be Chaste,
        He'd freely Pardon'd her for what was past.
        All seeming Friendship now's afresh renew'd.
        On promise she wou'd ne'er again be Leud.
        With Tears and Kisses, (Woman like) she Fawns.
        And asks his Pardon on her Marrow-bones.


                         _The Eighth Comfort._

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men

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