Critics -- Fiction; Interpersonal relations -- Fiction; Secrecy -- Fiction; Short stories, American; Women novelists -- Fiction
on the question of his separation from our young lady, he brought out
with an emphasis that startled me: “Ah I’m not a bit engaged to her, you
know!”
“Not overtly,” I answered, “because her mother doesn’t like you. But
I’ve always taken for granted a private understanding.”
“Well, there _was_ one. But there isn’t now.” That was all he said save
something about Mrs. Erme’s having got on her feet again in the most
extraordinary way—a remark pointing, as I supposed, the moral that
private understandings were of little use when the doctor didn’t share
them. What I took the liberty of more closely inferring was that the
girl might in some way have estranged him. Well, if he had taken the
turn of jealousy for instance it could scarcely be jealousy of me. In
that case—over and above the absurdity of it—he wouldn’t have gone away
just to leave us together. For some time before his going we had
indulged in no allusion to the buried treasure, and from his silence,
which my reserve simply emulated, I had drawn a sharp conclusion. His
courage had dropped, his ardour had gone the way of mine—this appearance
at least he left me to scan. More than that he couldn’t do; he couldn’t
face the triumph with which I might have greeted an explicit admission.
He needn’t have been afraid, poor dear, for I had by this time lost all
need to triumph. In fact I considered I showed magnanimity in not
reproaching him with his collapse, for the sense of his having thrown up
the game made me feel more than ever how much I at last depended on him.
If Corvick had broken down I should never know; no one would be of any
use if _he_ wasn’t. It wasn’t a bit true I had ceased to care for
knowledge; little by little my curiosity not only had begun to ache
again, but had become the familiar torment of my days and my nights.
There are doubtless people to whom torments of such an order appear
hardly more natural than the contortions of disease; but I don’t after
all know why I should in this connexion so much as mention them. For the
few persons, at any rate, abnormal or not, with whom my anecdote is
concerned, literature was a game of skill, and skill meant courage, and
courage meant honour, and honour meant passion, meant life. The stake on
the table was of a special substance and our roulette the revolving mind,
but we sat round the green board as intently as the grim gamblers at
Monte Carlo. Gwendolen Erme, for that matter, with her white face and
her fixed eyes, was of the very type of the lean ladies one had met in
the temples of chance. I recognised in Corvick’s absence that she made
this analogy vivid. It was extravagant, I admit, the way she lived for
the art of the pen. Her passion visibly preyed on her, and in her
presence I felt almost tepid. I got hold of “Deep Down” again: it was a
desert in which she had lost herself, but in which too she had dug a
wonderful hole in the sand—a cavity out of which Corvick had still more
remarkably pulled her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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