France -- History -- 1914-1940 -- Fiction; War stories; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
She sat far down the room from me. Only her back was visible and a
somewhat blurred side-view reflected in the mirror on the wall. Even so
much was, however, more than welcome, including as it did a smooth white
neck, a small shell-like ear, and a mass of warm, crinkly, red-brown
hair. She wore a rose-colored gown, I noticed, cut low, with a string of
pearls; and her sole escort was a staid, elderly, precise being, rather
of the trusted family-lawyer type.
“I haven’t missed a word, Dunny,” I assured my vis-a-vis. “I was just
wondering if Huns and pirates had quite a neutral sound. You know I have
to go via Rome to spend a week with Jack Herriott. He has been pestering
me for a good two years--ever since he’s been secretary there.”
Grumbling unintelligible things, my guardian sampled his Chablis; and I,
crumbling bread, lazily wishing I could get a front view of the girl in
rose-color, filled the pause by rambling on.
“Duty calls me,” I declared. “You see, I was born in France. Shabby
treatment on my parents’ part I’ve always thought it; if they had
hurried home before the event I might have been President and declared
war here instead of hunting one across the seas. In that case, Dunny,
I should have heeded your plea and stayed; but since I’m ineligible for
chief executive, why linger on this side?”
He scowled blackly.
“I’ll tell you what it is, my boy,” he accused, with lifted forefinger.
“You like to pose--that’s what is the matter with you! You like to act
stolid, matter-of-fact, correct; you want to sit in your ambulance and
smoke cigarettes indifferently and raise your eyebrows superciliously
when shrapnel bursts round. And it’s all very well now; it looks
picturesque; it looks good form, very. But how old are you, eh, Dev?
Twenty-eight is it? Twenty-nine?”
“You should know--none better--that I am thirty,” I responded. “Haven’t
you remembered each anniversary since I was five, beginning with a
hobby-horse and working up through knives and rifles and ponies to the
latest thing in cars?”
Dunny lowered his accusing finger and tapped it on the cloth.
“Thirty,” he repeated fatefully. “All right, Dev. Strong and fit as an
ox, and a crack polo-player and a fair shot and boxer and not bad with
boats and cars and horses and pretty well off, too. So when you look
bored, it’s picturesque; but wait! Wait ten years, till you take on
flesh, and the doctor puts you on diet, and you stop hunting chances to
kill yourself, but play golf like me. Then, my boy, when you look stolid
you won’t be romantic. You’ll be stodgy, my boy. That’s what you’ll be!”
Of all words in the dictionary there is surely none worse than this one.
The suggestions of stodginess are appalling, including, even at best,
hints of overweight, general uninterestingness, and a disposition to sit
at home in smoking-jacket and slippers after one’s evening meal. As my
guardian suggested, my first youth was over. I held up both my hands in
token that I asked for grace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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