"Do you think I meant _that_! Do you think I'd care what people might
say about our being here together? I--I'd _want_ them to know it!
What would I care--about--anything--then!"
Through the scorn in her voice he detected the awakened emotion; and,
responsive, his pulse quickened, beating hard and heavy in throat and
breast.
"I had almost forgotten," he said, "that we might dare look at things
that way.... It all has been so--hopeless--lately--"
"What?... Yes, I understand."
"Do you?--my trying to let you alone--trying to think differently--to
ignore all that has been said?"
"Yes.... This is no time to bring up such things." Her uneven breathing
was perceptible to him as she moved by his side through the darkness,
her arm resting on his.
No, this was no time to bring up such things. They knew it. And she, who
in the confidence of her youth had dared to trust her unknown self,
listened now to the startled beating of her heart at the first hint of
peril.
"I wish I had not come," she said.
He did not ask her why.
"You are very silent--you have been so for days," she added; then, too
late, knew that once more her tongue had betrayed her. "Don't answer
me," she whispered.
"Why not?"
"Because what I say is folly.... I--I must ask you to release my
hands.... You know it is only because I think it safer for--us; don't
you?"
"What threatens _you_. Calypso?"
"Nothing.... I told you once that I am afraid--even in daylight. Ask
yourself what I fear here under the stars with you."
"You fear _me_?"--managing to laugh.
"No; I dread your ally--my unknown self--in arms eternally to fight for
you," she answered with forced gaiety. "Shall we kill her to-night? She
deserves no consideration at our hands."
"Dear--"
"Hush! That is not the countersign on the firing line. Besides it is
treachery, because to say that word is aiding, abetting, and giving
information and comfort to our enemies. Our enemies, remember, are our
other and stealthy selves." Her voice broke unsteadily. "I am trying so
hard," she breathed, "but I cannot think clearly unless you help me.
There is mutiny threatening somewhere."
"I have tried, too," he said.
"I know you have. Do you suppose I have been untouched by your
consideration for me all these long days--your quiet cheerfulness--your
dear unselfishness--the forbidden word!--but what synonym am I to
use?... Oh, I know, I know what you are doing, thinking,
feeling--believe me--believe me, I know! And--it is what you must do, of
course. But--if you only did not show it so plainly--the effort--the
strain--the hurt--"
"Do I show it?" he asked, chagrined. "I did not know that."
"Only to me--because I know. And I remember how young you were--that
first day. Your whole expression has changed.... And I know why.... At
times it scarcely seems that I can bear it--when I see your mouth
laughing at the world and your eyes without mirth--dead--and the youth
in you so altered, so quenched, so--forgive me!--so useless--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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