His mind reviewed a company such as would be called together by an
infidel cause, and he recoiled from it. He saw socialist faces of the
baser type, ready but for the occasion to blossom into anarchism; he
saw clever women whose bold loosening of the yoke of conventional
religion had relaxed also the hold of conventional morals, and he was
glad Winifred was not among them; he saw the face of Doctor Bossman,
the leader of the cause, tall, massive-browed, handsome, with bold,
full, outstanding eyes, a man of defiant words, of jovial popularity,
and egregiously self-centered. Into the young man's mind, in contrast
to the proud face, there flashed fragments of the words of the
Nazarene: "Except ye be converted, and become as little children!" He
saw other faces not so typical, and found himself seated amongst them,
and abhorred the fraternity cemented by a common unbelief--a cold
negation. He was unhappy. He found no territory on which to stand.
He hated the cant and formalism that chilled him in the fashionable
church. He hated the insolent creed of the deist, and the ignorance of
the agnostic. He seemed to be hating almost all things with himself
included. If he had been sure there was a God who heard mortals pray,
he would have cried to Him to deliver him from so wretched a position.
But he roused himself from his reverie and sought to throw to the winds
his unhappy feelings. He walked back to the house endeavoring to think
of to-morrow's business, and determining to give himself to an
interesting book when he got there.
Winifred had a headache which was opportune. By it she excused herself
from tea and from church that evening. Her father carried her
apologies to the leader of the choir. Mr. Gray alone of the family
listened to the evening discourse, and he listened well, for the young
minister spoke again with truth and earnestness. The machinery of the
meeting moved smoothly, and George Frothingham sang with much feeling,
"If with all your hearts ye truly seek Him."
In Winifred's room the light burned late. The battle waged there saw
many tears and the confirmation of the edict put forth in the morning
service that the false god must be taken from its niche in the house of
the Lord.
"I will not be a hypocrite," Winifred said to herself. "I will not go
through a theatrical display, however refined and solemn, and call it
worship. I am no true worshiper."
Then she burst into fresh tears, in which mingled grief that she was
not a worshiper, and sorrow that she must leave an occupation and
associations so dear. It seemed like taking out a good part of her
life, for Winifred was young, and things loved were ardently loved.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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