Milly wrote back that of course she understood. It should be as Agatha
wished. Only (so Milly "sustained" her) Agatha must not allow herself to
doubt the Power. How could she when she saw what it had done for
Harding. If _she_ doubted, what could she expect of Harding? But of
course she must take care of her own dear self. If she failed--if she
gave way--what on earth would the poor darling do, now that he had
become dependent on her?
She wrote as if it was Agatha's fault that he had become dependent; as
if Agatha had nothing, had nobody in the world to think of but Harding;
as if nobody, as if nothing in the world beside Harding mattered. And
Agatha found herself resenting Milly's view. As if to her anything in
the world mattered beside Rodney Lanyon.
For three days she did not see the Powells.
CHAPTER TEN
The three nights passed as before, but with an increasing struggle and
fear.
She knew, she knew what was happening. It was as if the walls of
personality were wearing thin, and through them she felt him trying to
get at her.
She put the thought from her. It was absurd. It was insane. Such things
could not be. It was not in any region of such happenings that she held
him, but in the place of peace, the charmed circle, the flawless crystal
sphere.
Still the thought persisted; and still, in spite of it, she held him,
she would not let him go. By her honour, and by her love for Milly she
was bound to hold him, even though she knew how terribly, how implacably
he prevailed.
She was aware now that the persistence of his image on the blackness was
only a sign to her of his being there in his substance; in his supreme
innermost essence. It had obviously no relation to his bodily
appearance, since she had not seen him for three days. It tended more
and more to vanish, to give place to the shapeless, nameless,
all-pervading presence. And her fear of him became pervading, nameless
and shapeless too.
Somehow it was always behind her now; it followed her from room to room
of her house; it drove her out of doors. It seemed to her that she went
before it with quick uncertain feet and a fluttering heart, aimless and
tormented as a leaf driven by a vague light wind. Sometimes it sent her
up the field towards the wood; sometimes it would compel her to go a
little way towards the Farm; and then it was as if it took her by the
shoulders and turned her back again towards her house.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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