“I live at Rising, the manor-house over the heath. I am the son of Lady
Cairnedge by a former marriage. I am twenty years of age, and have just
ended my last term at Oxford. May I come and see you? If you will not see
me, why then did you walk into my quiet house, and turn everything upside
down? I shall come to-night, in the dusk, and wait in the heather,
outside the fence. If you come, thank God! if you do not, I shall believe
you could not, and come again and again and again, till hope is dead. But
I warn you I am a terrible hoper.
“It would startle, perhaps offend you, to wake and see me; but I cannot
bear to leave you asleep. Something might come too near you. I will write
until you move, and then make haste to go.
“My heart swells with words too shy to go out. Surely a Will has brought
us together! I believe in fate, never in chance!
“When we see each other again, will the wall be down between us, or shall
I know it will part us all our mortal lives? Longer than that it cannot.
If you say to me, 'I must not see you, but I will think of you,' not one
shall ever know I have other than a light heart. Even now I begin the
endeavour to be such that, when we meet at last, as meet we must, you
shall not say, 'Is this the man, alas, who dared to love me!'
“I love you as one might love a woman-angel who, at the merest breath
going to fashion a word unfit, would spread her wings and soar. Do not, I
pray you, fear to let me come! There are things that must be done in
faith, else they never have being: let this be one of them.--You stir.”
As I came to these last words, hurriedly written, I heard behind me, over
the height, the quick gallop of a horse, and knew the piece of firm turf
he was crossing. The same moment I was there in spirit, and the
imagination was almost vision. I saw him speeding away--“to come again!”
said my heart, solemn with gladness.
Rising-manor was the house to which the lady took me that dread night
when first I knew what it was to be alone in darkness and silence and
space. Was that lady his mother? Had she rescued me for her son? I was
not willing to believe it, though I had never actually seen her. The way
was mostly dark, and during the latter portion of it, I was much too
weary to look up where she sat on her great horse. I had never to my
knowledge heard who lived at Rising. I was not born inquisitive, and
there were miles between us.
I sat still, without impulse to move a finger. I lived essentially. Now I
knew what had come to me. It was no merely idiosyncratic experience, for
the youth had the same: it was love! How otherwise could we thus be drawn
together from both sides! Verily it seemed also good enough to be that
wondrous thing ever on the lips of poets and tale-weaving magicians! Was
it not far beyond any notion of it their words had given me?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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