I had had a hard day's work, and was pretty well jaded when I came
climbing out, at last, upon the level of Blackheath. It cost me some
trouble to find out Salem House; but I found it, and I found a haystack
in the corner, and I lay down by it; having first walked round the
wall, and looked up at the windows, and seen that all was dark and
silent within. Never shall I forget the lonely sensation of first lying
down, without a roof above my head.
Sleep came upon me as it came on many other outcasts, against whom
house-doors were locked, and house-dogs barked, that night--and I
dreamed of lying on my old school-bed, talking to the boys in my room;
and found myself sitting upright, with Steerforth's name upon my lips,
looking wildly at the stars that were glistening and glimmering above
me. When I remembered where I was at that untimely hour, a feeling
stole upon me that made me get up, afraid of I don't know what, and
walk about. But the faint glimmering of the stars, and the pale light
in the sky where the day was coming, reassured me: and my eyes being
very heavy, I lay down again, and slept--though with a knowledge in
my sleep that it was cold--until the warm beams of the sun, and the
ringing of the getting-up bell at Salem House, awoke me. If I could
have hoped that Steerforth was there, I would have lurked about until
he came out alone; but I knew he must have left long since. Traddles
still remained, perhaps, but it was very doubtful; and I had not
sufficient confidence in his discretion or good luck, however strong
my reliance was on his good-nature, to wish to trust him with my
situation. So I crept away from the wall as Mr Creakle's boys were
getting up, and struck into the long dusty track which I had first
known to be the Dover Road when I was one of them, and when I little
expected that any eyes would ever see me the wayfarer I was now, upon
it.
What a different Sunday morning from the old Sunday morning at
Yarmouth! In due time I heard the church-bells ringing, as I plodded
on; and I met people who were going to church; and I passed a church or
two where the congregation were inside, and the sound of singing came
out into the sunshine, while the beadle sat and cooled himself in the
shade of the porch, or stood beneath the yew-tree, with his hand to his
forehead, glowering at me going by. But the peace and rest of the old
Sunday morning were on everything, except me. That was the difference.
I felt quite wicked in my dirt and dust, with my tangled hair. But for
the quiet picture I had conjured up, of my mother in her youth and
beauty, weeping by the fire, and my aunt relenting to her, I hardly
think I should have had courage to go on until next day. But it always
went before me, and I followed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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