A scented breath of evening floated beneath the starry sky. Plants
and creatures came to life at its whisper, which combined with the
far-away murmur of the river and the resonance of space to give a new
vividness to the grove of young pines. The tall and magnificent
giant with the full flush of its grown strength made this sweetness
of nature its own. Only the sick tree remained without benefit from
the life-giving evening airs. Its sluggish viscid sap stagnated in
the clogged stomata. Slowly its faint exhalations were breathed out
through its pores: it seemed as though nothing could revive this
imperfect organism: and as a matter of fact the first effect of
illness is to disorganize the senses, to shatter the harmony of the
unit attacked, so that it receives insufficiently and returns to the
universal flow an insufficient rhythm.
We have all had experience for a shorter or a longer time of this
heart-breaking state of sickness, when a livid mist seems to settle
itself thickly over our faculties, and the objective world weighs
upon us with the whole weight of our material blemishes. At such a
time our sensitiveness to influences outside ourselves is bad,
whether it is that our disease-crippled organs are no longer powerful
enough to communicate freely with the hidden forces through whose
paths we move, or whether it is that these very forces in a manner
avoid an unhealthy assemblage. Anyhow, it is only when suffering has
disordered our state that we become fully aware of the gulf which
lies between the external world and that other world within us.
But what we learn more particularly at such moments is how our senses
limit external influences. Our inner world is seething with a form
of life which feels special to itself, since all contact with the
vital currents of our environment has been cut off. Also, apart from
a slight play given to the organs our physical sensibility detaches
itself entirely from external adventures and elements. When our
being has once reached this absolute it fixes itself there, and no
piling up of circumstance, in however extravagant a degree, could
move it an inch farther. Thus a loss of consciousness through
illness involves as vivid a sense of dizzy falling into space as a
literal plunge into some darkling abyss, and the perturbation of an
inward malady may strike us as suddenly and sharply as the flash of a
real lightning-stroke jazzing across our eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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