"That is strange--very strange." Mr. Finn fixed him with his deep,
sorrowful eyes. "You believe that you're predestined to a great
position. You believe that you have in you all that is needful to
attain it. That has carried you through. Strange!" He put his hand to
his temple, elbow on table, and still regarded Paul. "But there's God
behind it all. Mr. Savelli," he said earnestly, after a slight pause,
"you are twenty-eight; I am fifty-eight; so I'm more than old enough to
be your father. You'll forgive my taking up the attitude of the older
man. I have lived a life such as your friends on the platform
to-night--honorable, clean, sweet people--I've nothing to say against
them--have no conception. I am English, of course--London born. My
father was an Englishman; but my mother was a Sicilian. She used to go
about with a barrel-organ--my father ran away with her. I have that
violent South in my blood, and I've lived nearly all my days in London.
I've had to pay dearly for my blood. The only compensation it has given
me is a passion for art"--he waved his lean, bediamonded hand towards
the horrific walls. "That is external--in a way--mere money has enabled
me to gratify my tastes; but, as I was saying, I have lived a life of
strange struggle, material, physical, and"--he brought down his free
hand with a bang on the table--"it is only by the grace of God and the
never-ceasing presence of Our Lord Jesus Christ by my side, that--that
I am able to offer you my modest hospitality this evening."
Paul felt greatly drawn to the man. He was beyond doubt sincere. He
wore the air of one who had lived fiercely, who had suffered, who had
conquered; but the air of one whose victory was barren, who was looking
into the void for the things unconquerable yet essential to salvation.
Paul made a little gesture of attention. He could find no words to
reply. A man's deep profession of faith is unanswerable.
"Ah," said Barney Bill, "you ought to have come along o' me, Silas,
years ago in the old 'bus. You mightn't have got all these bright
pictures, but you wouldn't have had these 'ere gloomy ideas. I don't
say as how I don't hold with Gawd," he explained, with uplifted
forefinger and cocked head; "but if ever I thinks of Him, I like to
feel that He's in the wind or in the crickle-crackle of the earth, just
near and friendly like, but not a-worrying of a chap, listening for
every cuss-word as he uses to his old horse, and measuring every
half-pint he pours down his dusty throat. No. That ain't my idea of
Gawd. But then I ain't got religion."
"Still the same old pagan," laughed Paul.
"No, not the same, sonny," said Barney Bill, holding up his knife,
which supported a morsel of cheese. "Old. Rheumaticky. Got to live in a
'ouse when it rains--me who never keered whether I was baked to a
cinder or wet through! I ain't a pagan no more. I'm a crock."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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