On Monday Paul went to the Life School and stripped with a heavy heart.
Jane was right. It was not a man's job. The fact, too, of his doing it
lowered him in her esteem, and though he had no romantic thoughts
whatever with regard to Jane, he enjoyed being Lord Paramount in her
eyes. He went into the studio and took up his pose; and as he stood on
the model throne, conspicuous, glaring, the one startling central
object, Higgins's "How beastly!" came like a material echo and smote
him in the face. He felt like Adam when he first proceeded to his
primitive tailoring. A wave of shame ran through him. He looked around
the great silent room, at the rows of students, each in front of an
easel, using his naked body for their purposes. A phrase flashed across
his mind--in three years his reading had brought vocabulary--they were
using his physical body for their spiritual purposes. For the moment he
hated them all fiercely. They were a band of vampires. Habit and
discipline alone saved him from breaking his pose and fleeing headlong.
But there he was fixed, like marble, in an athlete's attitude, showing
rippling muscles of neck and chest and arms and thighs all developed by
the gymnasium into the perfection of Greek beauty, and all useless,
more useless even, as far as the world's work was concerned, than the
muscles of a racehorse. There he was fixed, with outstretched limbs and
strained loins, a human being far more alive than the peering,
measuring throng, far more important, called by a destiny infinitely
higher than theirs. And none of them suspected it. For the first time
he saw himself as they saw him. They admired him as a thing, an animal
trained especially for them, a prize bullock. As a human being they
disregarded him. Nay, in the depth of their hearts they despised him.
Not one of them would have stood where he did. He would have considered
it--rightly--as degrading to his manhood.
The head of the school snapped his fingers impatiently and fussed up to
the model-stand. "What's the matter? Tired already? Take it easy for a
minute, if you like."
"No," said Paul, instinctively stiffening himself. "I'm never tired."
It was his boast that he could stand longer in a given pose than any
other model, and thereby he had earned reputation.
"Then don't go to pieces, my boy," said the head of the school, not
unkindly. "You're supposed to be a Greek athlete and not Venus rising
from the sea or a jelly at a children's party."
Paul flushed all over, and insane anger shook him. How dared the man
speak to him like that? He kept the pose, thinking wild thoughts. Every
moment the strain grew less bearable, the consciousness of his
degradation more intense. He longed for something to happen, something
dramatic, something that would show the vampires what manner of man he
was. He was histrionic in his anguish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account