In a moment I felt a sensible ray of hope spring up in my heart, upon the ground of the atonement, and I think I have never lost that hope to this day: the Lord led me through all this soul travail, to see my need of a Mediator; one to stand in the gap; one that was able to lay his hands on both parties; God with God, and man with man; and I was at times highly favored with very precious views of Christ, in his offices and characters; yet I constantly feared I should die before I could see my interest in him, and before I could believe in him, though I believed in him all the while. Yet I could not see, at that time, the difference between _faith_ and _sense_, or _faith_ and the _end_ of faith. I did not know there was any difference between _faith_, the _assurance_ of faith, and the _full assurance_ of faith. One Sunday morning I heard Mr. Huntington, on _Song_, iii. 11. Oh, what a sweet morning it was to me! I had such a glorious view of the dear Saviour, that I would have given the universe for ability to call him mine. But this sweet view went off, the veil closed again, and sin was ever before me. At times I could open my mind freely, at the throne of grace; at other times I was so shut up that I thought it of no use; sometimes I was filled with desires, longings, hungerings, and thirstings after Christ; and then I was left in barrenness, carnal ease, and a dead calm, till sin was felt again, and my distress increased. This one thing I found awfully true— “The more I strove against sin’s power, I sinned and stumbled yet the more.” I found my strength perfect weakness; and sin, guilt, and satan, too strong for human ability. I had many temptations to disbelieve the Bible, to doubt the very being of a God, and to entertain very hard thoughts of him. I felt my rebellion rise, and found I was an enemy in my nature and practice. These things troubled my spirit; yet the preaching of the Word, at times, sweetly encouraged me to hope. I endeavoured to subdue sin, by various stratagems, but I found it was all toiling up Labour-in-vain Hill; and being beat out of every refuge, sinking in the miry clay; and finding the horrible pit, in some degree, but not so deep as many have, I longed to be brought to a point about my state; to see my sins pardoned; my interest clear; God reconciled and well pleased with me, in Christ. I was, indeed, come to the birth, but had not yet strength to bring forth. Yet none shall shut their doors, or kindle a fire on God’s altar for nought. Those whom he chastens he will give rest to; and those who seek him shall find him, sooner or later. “For the needy shall not always be forgotten; the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever.” Yours, J. C. These sweet lines were whispered to my soul with joy:—