The Four-Masted Cat-Boat, and Other Truthful TalesLoomis, Charles Battell
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The Four-Masted Cat-Boat, and Other Truthful Tales
Loomis, Charles Battell
American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American; Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, American
The other day I met Griggs on the cars. Griggs is the man with the
mind. Other people have minds, but they’re not like Griggs’s. He
lives in Rutherford, New Jersey, and is, like me, a commuter, and as
neither of us plays cards nor is interested in politics, and as we
have tabooed the weather as a topic, it almost always happens that
when we meet, we, or rather he, falls back on his mind as subject for
conversation. For my part, my daily newspaper would be all-sufficient
for my needs on the way to town; but it pleases Griggs to talk, and
it’s bad for my eyes to read on the cars, so I shut them up and
cultivate the air of listening, the while Griggs discourses.
I had recently read in the Contributors’ Club of the “Atlantic,” an
article by a woman, who said that the letters of the alphabet seemed
to be variously colored in her mind; that is, her mental picture gave
to one letter a green hue, to another red, and so on. I spoke of
this to Griggs, and he was much interested. He said that the sound
of a cornet was always red to him. I asked him whether it made any
difference who blew it, but Griggs scorns to notice puns, and he
answered: “Not a particle. I don’t pretend to explain it, but it is
so. Likewise, to me the color of scarlet tastes salt, while crimson
is sweet.”
I opened my eyes and looked at him in amazement. It sounded like
a bit out of “Alice in Wonderland.” Then I remembered that it
was Griggs who was talking, and that he has a mind. When I don’t
understand something about Griggs, I lay it to his mind and think no
more about it. So I shut my eyes again and listened.
“By the way,” said he, “how does time run in your mind?”
“Why, I never thought of its running at all, although it passes
quickly enough, for the most part!”
“But hasn’t it some general direction? Up or down, north or south,
east or west?”
“Griggs,” said I, “is this your mind?”
“Yes,” said he.
“Well, go ahead; fire it off; unfold your kinks!” said I, leaning
back in my seat; “but kindly remember that I have no mind, and if
you can’t put it in words of one syllable, talk slowly so that I can
follow you.”
He promised to put it as plainly as though he were talking to his
youngest, aged three; and, with this assurance, my cerebrum braced
itself, so to speak, and awaited the onslaught.
“My idea of the direction of time in all its divisions and
subdivisions is as follows--”
“Say, Griggs,” said I, “let’s go into the smoker. A little oil of
nicotine always makes my brain work easier.”
When we were seated in the smoker, and had each lighted a cigar, he
went on:
“Assuming that I am facing the north, far in the southwest is the
Garden of Eden and the early years of recorded time. Moving eastward
run the centuries, and the years to come and the end of the world are
in the far east.”
I felt slightly bewizzled, but I gripped the seat in front of me and
said nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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