England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Families -- Fiction; Murder -- Fiction
“I always remember what you say, Constance. And now tell me what you
came to say.”
She rose from the chair and remained standing. She began by looking at
the things over the mantel as if she was greatly interested in tobacco
and cigarettes. Then she turned upon him abruptly, joining her hands.
“What I came to say was this.”
He read the answer in her face, which was frank, hard, and without the
least sign of embarrassment, confusion, or weakening. It is not with
such a look that a girl gives herself to her lover. However, he
pretended not to understand.
“What is it?”
“Well, it is just this. I have thought about it for a whole week, and it
won’t do. That is my answer. It won’t do for either of us. I like you
very much. I like our present relations. We dine together at the club. I
come in here without fuss. You come to my place without fuss. We talk
and walk and go about together. I do not suppose that I shall ever
receive this kind of invitation from any man whom I regard so much. And
yet----”
“‘Yet!’ Why this obstructive participle? I bring you”--but he spoke with
coldness due to the discouragement in the maiden’s face--“the fullest
worship of yourself.”
She shook her head and put up her hand. “Oh no!--no!” she said.
“Worship? I want no worship. What do you mean by worship?”
“I mean the greatest respect--the greatest reverence--the greatest
admiration----”
“For what?”
“For Constance Ambry.”
“Thank you, my friend. Some of the respect I accept with gratitude, not
all of it. Still, I dare say, at this moment, you mean it all. But
consider a little. Do you worship my intellect? Confess, now. You know
that it is distinctly inferior to your own. I know it, I say. If you
came to me pretending to worship an intellect inferior to your own, I
should lose my respect for you, or I should lose my faith in your
truthfulness. It cannot be my intellect. Is it, then, worship of my
genius? But I have no genius. And that you know very well. Is it worship
of my attainments? They are far below most of the scholars of your
University and the Fellows of your college. You cannot possibly pretend
to worship my attainments----”
“Let me worship Constance Ambry herself.”
She laughed lightly.
“It would be very foolish of you to do so. For you could not do so
without lowering your standards and your character, by pretending what
is not the case. For I am no higher than yourself in any of the virtues
possible to us both: not a bit higher: I believe that my standards of
everything--truth, honour, courage--patience--all--all--everything are
like my intellect, distinctly lower than your own. Such is the respect
which I entertain for you. Therefore, my friend, do not, pray, think of
offering me worship.”
“You wrong yourself, Constance. Your nature is far higher than mine.”
She laughed again. “If I were to marry you, in a week you would find out
your mistake--and then you might fall into the opposite mistake.”
“How am I to make you understand?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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