England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction; Families -- England -- Fiction
What was she feeling? Short, quick stabs of self-consciousness as to how
she was looking; a sort of stunned excitement due to sheer noise and the
number of things offered to her to eat and drink; keen pleasure in the
consciousness that Colonel Martlett and Sir John Fanfar and other men,
especially that nice one with the straggly moustache who looked as if he
were going to bite, glanced at her when they saw she wasn't looking. If
only she had been quite certain that it was not because they thought her
too young to be there! She felt a sort of continual exhilaration, that
this was the great world—the world where important things were said and
done, together with an intense listening expectancy, and a sense most
unexpected and almost frightening, that nothing important was being said
or would be done. But this she knew to be impudent. On Sunday evenings
at home people talked about a future existence, about Nietzsche,
Tolstoy, Chinese pictures, post-impressionism, and would suddenly grow
hot and furious about peace, and Strauss, justice, marriage, and
De Maupassant, and whether people were losing their souls through
materialism, and sometimes one of them would get up and walk about the
room. But to-night the only words she could catch were the names of two
politicians whom nobody seemed to approve of, except that nice one who
was going to bite. Once very timidly she asked Colonel Martlett whether
he liked Strauss, and was puzzled by his answer: “Rather; those 'Tales
of Hoffmann' are rippin', don't you think? You go to the opera much?”
She could not, of course, know that the thought which instantly rose
within her was doing the governing classes a grave injustice—almost all
of whom save Colonel Martlett knew that the 'Tales of Hoffmann' were
by one Offenbach. But beyond all things she felt she would never, never
learn to talk as they were all talking—so quickly, so continuously, so
without caring whether everybody or only the person they were talking
to heard what they said. She had always felt that what you said was only
meant for the person you said it to, but here in the great world she
must evidently not say anything that was not meant for everybody, and
she felt terribly that she could not think of anything of that sort
to say. And suddenly she began to want to be alone. That, however,
was surely wicked and wasteful, when she ought to be learning such a
tremendous lot; and yet, what was there to learn? And listening just
sufficiently to Colonel Martlett, who was telling her how great a man he
thought a certain general, she looked almost despairingly at the one
who was going to bite. He was quite silent at that moment, gazing at
his plate, which was strangely empty. And Nedda thought: 'He has jolly
wrinkles about his eyes, only they might be heart disease; and I like
the color of his face, so nice and yellow, only that might be liver. But
I DO like him—I wish I'd been sitting next to him; he looks real.' From
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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