The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Having thoroughly elaborated it," said Toney, "he called a meeting of
the Mystic Order of Seven Sweethearts and made known his important
discovery. The announcement was received with acclamations of applause,
and the projected tournament pronounced worthy of the illustrious
founder of their noble order. A committee was appointed, composed of the
Prince of Pretty Fellows, the Noble Nonentity, the Dainty Adorer, and
the Winsome Wooer, with the Noble Grand Gander himself as chairman; and
upon this dignified body was devolved the onerous duty of developing all
the details of the intended tourney. Numerous meetings were held by the
committee, and many discussions ensued. Books of chivalry and romance
were referred to, and the Chronicles of Froissart diligently perused.
But by far the highest authority on the subject was the novel of
Ivanhoe, in which the most graphic and intelligible account of a
tournament was to be found. But when Pate read to the committee Walter
Scott's description of the passage of arms at Ashby----"
"I remember it well!" exclaimed Tom Seddon, enthusiastically. "How the
knights met in the encounter,--how the lances were shivered, the
powerful steeds thrown back on their haunches, and many combatants
hurled from their saddles by the terrible shock,--how Richard assailed
the gigantic Front de Boeuf, and struck down horse and rider at a
single blow, and then, wresting the battle-axe from the hands of the
bulky Athelstane, dashed him senseless to the ground! It is sublime! it
is magnificent!"
"What effect did the reading of this description by Walter Scott, which
has so aroused the enthusiasm of Mr. Seddon, produce on the committee?"
asked the Professor.
"Every member of the committee turned pale," said Toney. "Bliss trembled
and was silent; while Love loudly exclaimed that he would not take part
in any such performance, and Dove said that indeed it was too
dangerous."
"But the ultimate result?" said the Professor.
"The panic produced by the reading of this passage from Ivanhoe was so
great," said Toney, "that it nearly caused an abandonment of their
intention to hold a tournament. The committee adjourned to meet on the
following day for further deliberation. M. T. Pate went home and passed
a sleepless night in profound meditation."
"One might suppose," said the Professor, "that the activity of his mind
would have enabled him to surmount the difficulty which had presented
itself. Could he not recollect that in the encounter between Napoleon
and Wellington, neither of them had used artillery or any of the deadly
weapons employed in modern warfare? If these illustrious heroes could
dispense with fire-arms, why could not Richard and Ivanhoe get along
very well without their heavy defensive armor and ponderous swords and
battle-axes?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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