The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"While meditating upon this event, an idea entered his head, which
ultimately led to an important discovery. His wonderful sagacity enabled
him to perceive that if a little boy could be Bonaparte, a little man
might impersonate any hero of whom history makes mention."
"Even Jack the Giant-killer," suggested Tom Seddon.
"If," said Toney, "the unlucky urchin, who had been spanked by his
indignant mamma, could arm himself with a bean-pole, and assault Lord
Wellington with such vigor and impetuosity, could not a number of
delicate and dainty youths be mounted on diminutive horses, and
represent Richard the Lion-hearted, or Ivanhoe, or any of the
mail-covered barons whose valorous deeds are immortalized in the pages
of Froissart or of Walter Scott?"
"Is it meant that the Dainty Adorer or the Winsome Wooer could do this?"
asked Tom Seddon.
"So thought M. T. Pate," said Toney.
"What would be the effect of a moderate blow from the ponderous fist of
one of the aforesaid barons on the head of little Love?" inquired Tom.
"Immediate work for the undertaker," answered the Professor.
"Or suppose," said Tom, "that Dove was spanked by Richard, as was the
little boy by his mother?"
"He would be crushed like a pepper-corn pounded by a pestle in a
mortar," remarked the Professor.
"And," said Seddon, "the immense load of iron and steel carried by one
of the knights at the tournament of Ashby-de-la-Zouch, where three
combatants were killed, one smothered in his armor, and thirty wounded,
if put upon Bliss----"
"Would cause the dainty creature to think of Pelion piled upon Ossa,"
observed the Professor.
"But," said Toney, "Pate was well acquainted with the wonder-working
powers of the imagination, and knew that with the aid of this faculty he
could easily induce young maidens, who were diligent students of
romance, to believe that the Noble Nonentity, the Dainty Adorer, and the
Winsome Wooer, mounted on ponies, and flourishing long poles, were
valorous knights, armed for the performance of doughty deeds; just as
the unsophisticated birds are made to imagine that the effigies placed
by a farmer around his cornfield are the dangerous and destructive
bipeds in whose images they have been cunningly fashioned."
"You now perceive, Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, "in what various
aspects the same subject will be contemplated by different minds. Mr.
Pate is a man of an original and sublime genius, and entertains ideas
which would never enter into either your head or mine."
"But," said Tom, "what did he do with his grand idea?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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