The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"I cannot comprehend his incoherent mutterings, but sometimes hear 'Ida,
Ida,' articulated with tender emphasis. I do wish that Tom would get out
of Doubting Castle."
"What sort of a place is that?" asked Toney.
"A place in which all young ladies compel their lovers to dwell for a
period, either long or short, according to their whim or caprice. I have
known some maidens, who looked as meek and gentle as the doves that
cooed in the garden of Eden in the days of primeval innocence, exhibit
as much cruelty to their captives as did Old Giant Despair to the poor
Pilgrims who had fallen into his hands. Indeed, I have known some lovers
held in Doubting Castle for years."
"Do you think that Tom's term of imprisonment will be of long duration?"
"I think not. Ida's uncle is opposed to Tom's suit, is he not?"
"Oh, very much. He puts almost insuperable barriers between Tom and Ida.
He sometimes chases Tom out of his house by pretending to have a fit of
canine rabies."
"This opposition on the part of the old Cerberus will be the means of
soon liberating Tom from Doubting Castle."
"How so?"
"As I said on a former occasion, women are like pigs: if you try to head
them off they will give a squeal and bolt by you, and travel the very
road you didn't want them to go. Old Crabstick will soon find this out.
Tom Seddon will not long remain in Doubting Castle."
"Yonder he comes now," said Toney.
"He is out of the Castle,--I know it," said the Professor.
"What makes you think so?"
"Look at how he walks. His head is up. His step is as light as if his
feet were feathers. Yesterday he held his head down, as if he were
calculating the distance to the antipodes, and walked as if he had a
large quantity of lead in the bottom of his boots. I'll bet that he
don't call me Miss Ida after to-day."
Tom Seddon approached them with his face radiant with smiles. He took
Toney by the hand and shook it energetically. He then seized the
Professor by both hands and gave him a violent shaking.
"It is a beautiful day," said Tom.
"It is always so," said the Professor, "after----"
"After what?" asked Tom.
"After the sun comes from behind the clouds," said the Professor.
"Toney, my dear fellow, I want to speak to you," said Tom, taking Toney
by the arm and leading him aside.
"I knew it," muttered the Professor to himself. "The gates of Doubting
Castle are wide open. He is out. How happy he looks! I wonder if it
always makes a man feel so happy? I wish I could find Dora. I'd risk
another negative."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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